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HA! HA! I'M NEVER GOING TO RIDE A HORSE! (UPDATED 8/11)

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An update on the progress of Iowa Touchdowns For Kids 2014 reveals very good news for Mr. Jacobi.

Hello, friends. It's been almost a week since we kicked off the 2014 round of Iowa Touchdowns For Kids fundraising here, and as you'll recall the main stipulation was that at a pledge level of $400 per touchdown, I will ride a horse.

You should know my thoughts on horses by now.

At any rate, the first numbers came in earlier this week, and boy is it great news for everyone involved.

As of Tuesday afternoon, the BHGP community has made 54 pledges for $167 per Iowa touchdown.

[UPDATE, WEDNESDAY 5 PM: 69 pledges, $227 per TD.]

[SECOND UPDATE, MONDAY 8/11: 92 pledges, $345 per TD.]

What that means is in just one week, we're already about 42% of the way to $400 per touchdown, and thus 42% of the way to Adam J on a horse. Almost halfway there in one week!

So, okay, guys. Good show. You put a bit of a scare into me, demonstrating a breathtaking efficiency at making pledges that will help the University of Iowa Children's Hospital complete its construction overlooking Kinnick Stadium, helping the lives of children and their families who need help the most. You've proven once again that the BHGP community is on its own level of generosity, one that surpasses expectations time and time again. You are making a lasting difference in the world with every dollar you pledge.

But c'mon. You're not going to actually make me ride a horse. You wouldn't! I'm just Adam Jacobi: simple, beloved writer man, making my way through the world as far away from horses as I can get. We have that social compact in place and you wouldn't endanger it just for the sake of the equine menace. No, no way.

See, the BHGP community is a smart bunch. Terrifyingly smart. And BHGPers know that the only way to put me on a horse is to pledge to Iowa Touchdowns For Kids and note that BHGP referred you. That's how we get our own tally. SO if and when we start getting close to $400 per touchdown, the wonderful BHGP community will simply leave the referral field blank on any further donations so I can stay off the horse. That is not a euphemism; I do not do heroin. I mean actually literally being on a horse.

Yes, this was all a fine show by all of you, but I think we can all start being serious now, and if we're being serious I can say you will fail in your quest to put me on a horse. SO SURE AM I OF THIS that I will add another stipulation to the fundraising goal that you will not possibly reach. So here goes.

If the BHGP community reaches $400 pledged per touchdown, I will not only ride the horse on camera, I will take a selfie with said horse and make it my Twitter avatar for a month.

This is my confidence! You cannot burst it! Do your worst, BHGP! Heck, I'll embed the fundraising page again! I am invincible!