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Kirk Ferentz receives some news that will ruin his Friday.

This day wasn't very great either
This day wasn't very great either
Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports


Gerg_icon_medium What's that all about?

Philparker_icon_medium I don't know but he's been doing it all morning.

Gerg_icon_medium Hey boss man, do you want to go over some of these new plays. I think I've figured out a way for five different receivers to run five different out-routes.

Iconferentz_medium Why bother?

Gerg_icon_medium Hey, we might need that on third down. If we need seven yards, well... I'm now giving you five guys who can get six.

Iconferentz_medium Yeah yeah, sounds wonderful.

Greg walks back to the group of coaches.

Gerg_icon_medium This is pretty darn somber, even for him.

Philparker_icon_medium I know, I tried to cheer him up by talking about how good our defensive line has looked in the weight room and he just stared right through me.

Chris_white_icon_medium Yeah, all I did was mention our surplus of punters. And he just started welling up, it... it... it got awkward.

Philparker_icon_medium This is serious, we need to bring in a professional.


One hour later

Iconbarta_medium Kirk, I understand you've been a little down in the dumps today. That's just not like you, can you tell me what's eating at you?

Iconferentz_medium *grunts*

Iconbarta_medium Is it money? I can get you more.

Iconferentz_medium It's not the money.

Iconbarta_medium Trouble at home?

Iconferentz_medium No, my home life is great.

Iconbarta_medium Is this because I've sold the naming rights of the stadium to the Iowa Lottery? Yes, yes, it sounds bad now, but teams are going to hate having to play at the Powerbowl.

Iconferentz_medium Wait, what? No... no, it's not that.

Iconbarta_medium Then what? C'mon Kirk, after all we've been through, you can tell me.

Iconferentz_medium Fine! You want to know why I'm down, why I'm angry, why I'm depressed, here it is.

Kirk whips a crumpled up piece of paper to the ground.

Iconbarta_medium Gary reads the top. Ray Guy Award watch list? He smooths out the paper. This is what got you upset, a list of punters?

Iconferentz_medium Just read the list.

Iconbarta_medium Tom Hackett... Thomas Hibbard... Taylor Hudson... Sam Irwin-Hill... Am I supposed to see a pattern here? Is this about the initials — three THs. So what?

Iconferentz_medium Do you know who is not listed here.

Gary skims the list and it dawns on him. He frowns.

Iconbarta_medium There's not a Hawkeye.

Iconferentz_medium No *chokes back a sob* there's not.

Iconbarta_medium Oh, Kirk I'm so sorry.

Iconferentz_medium It's like... what did we do wrong? I give my punters every chance in the world - I punt from inside the 40, I sign multiple punters to scholarships. Punting IS winning! So why aren't we listed among the winners.

Iconbarta_medium Now, now. Remember this is just a watch list, things change.

Iconferentz_medium Wait, that's right.

Iconbarta_medium Yeah, we could have somebody play right into contention.

Iconferentz_medium Oh and we will. Nobody is going to punt better, nobody is going to punt more and nobody is going to punt closer to the end zone then us. We will right this wrong, I promise you that.

Head held high, Ferentz walks proudly out of the office.

Iconbarta_medium (calling after him) Go get ‘em Kirk. Go get ‘em.

Iconbarta_medium Wait! Wait! If you could hold off on announcing that Powerbowl thing, that would be great. Go get ‘em.