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NORTHWESTERN 67, IOWA 62: WHATEVER

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Well, that wasn't perfec[NORTHWESTERN HITS OPEN JUMPER AS SHOT CLOCK WINDS DOWN]

Andy Lyons

(Northwestern inbounds ball)

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(Sobolewski dribbles nonchalantly across half court)

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(Ball worked around to Crawford)

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(Ineffectual pass to the corner)

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(Ineffectual pass out of the corner)

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(Northwestern waits for shot clock to drop low enough)

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(waaaaaits for it)

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(Aggressive hedge forces ball back to 35 feet away from the bucket)

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(Iowa doubles the man with the ball, leaving a Northwestern player wide open on the arc)

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(Northwestern finds said open player, passes to him)

1.

(shot goes up)

[SHOT CLOCK SOUNDS]

(ball flies through net)

(Iowa inbounds ball)

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(ball crosses midcourt)

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(Mike Gesell forces long jumper)

(ball flies off rim, hits old lady in the head, she drops nachos on a nearby baby)

(baby now covered in neon orange cheez and its own tears)

(old lady maybe needs medical attention)

(Iowa mopes down court)

Repeat as necessary.

Repeat until wholly unnecessary.

Keep repeating until you're ready to stay in bed for the next five days straight.

Repeat some more.