Two years ago, BHGP's own Horace E. Cow did a series of off-season posts creating increasingly outlandish faux-Pro Combat uniforms for each team in the Big Ten at the time. I say "increasingly outlandish" because we thought they were too ridiculous to ever exist in reality... or so we thought. It turns out we may have just been very naive in 2012. Or perhaps Christopher Polyblend, the mastermind of all those designs back then, has been farming out his design services to Nike, adidas, and Under Armour. I mean, what else are we supposed to think when we see this:
Can you tell which one is real and which one sprung from the darkest reaches of Christopher Polyblend's brainmeats? It's hard, right? Well, I'll help you out -- the ones on the left are Actual Uniforms that are Genuinely Going to be Worn by Iowa State on Saturday. No foolin'.
Seriously, Iowa State: we try to move away from "Cyclowns" as a pejorative nickname for you guys, but you make it so hard when you do things like this...
Nor is this the first time this season that we've been wondering about Christopher Polyblend offering his services to a major uniform manufacturer. Earlier this year, Maryland wore uniforms inscribed with the text of "The Star-Spangled Banner" to commemorate the 200th anniversary of our national anthem. Of course, the idea of wrapping a football uniform in text? Polyblend did it first.
Northwestern is debuting new uniforms later this month and while they don't significantly crib design elements from Polyblend's design, they certainly look like something he might have toyed with in a brainstorming session. Gothic fonts? Haunting Illuminati-esque arches? Christopher Polyblend likes where your head is at, Under Armour.
Maybe we should have been more suspicious; after all, there were signs last year that the Polyblend-ization of college football uniforms was gaining steam. Isn't that right, Nebraska?
Hell, this year's "Homage to Polyblend" unis may have shrunk the N on the chest, but the pictures announcing the unis wore their Zubaz affinity loud and proud:
How far will this trend go? I don't think we can put limits on it at this point, frankly. We'll be keeping our eyes peeled for those Hieronymus Bosch-inspired Buckeye unis to turn up any day now...
If you missed HEC's Pro Combat Goes B1G series in the past, you can get caught up right here:
- Michigan State
- Penn State (bonus Penn State)
- Ohio State
- Iowa State