IOWA CITY (AP) -- Iowa City and the University of Iowa community were rocked yesterday by Kirk Ferentz's admission that he drove 35 MPH in a 25 MPH zone near Kinnick Stadium. When asked if he was speeding because he was in a rush to be somewhere, Ferentz answered in the negative. "No, no, that wasn't it at all. I don't believe much in being in a rush. All that hustle and bustle, it just gets the blood boiling and leads to turnovers and incomplete passes. Nothing good there."
Ferentz elaborated, saying "No, actually I was speeding to prove a point. The other day Brian [Ferentz, one of the Kirk Ferentz's three sons and current offensive line coach at the University of Iowa] was showing me this stuff on TweetBox and FaceTube about these other coaches jumping off cliffs and walking barefoot on fire and it got me thinking. I thought, heck, I can do that. I can show these young kids that I'm still bold. I'm a risk-taker. I'm not an old fuddy-duddy who doesn't grok what kids today think is the bees' knees, no sirree.
"Why, a few days ago I had Brian make me a mixtape of the music kids are listening to now. First he tried to make me a playlist on Spottyfire, only I couldn't make heads or tails of that. Luckily, he found a boom box in the closet after that. So I listened to the tape he made and, boy, that Alan Thicke's son is not a half-bad singer, although I don't always care for what he's singing about. I don't know who that 'Daft Punk' is, but that song of theirs sounds just like something I had in my 8-track player when Mary and I first started dating. I tried to listen to the Jayz [sic] song because I heard some players talking about it the other day, but it gave me a headache after a few minutes. But the Maroon 5 song, that was more like it -- that Adam Levine is a pretty good crooner."
After his digression, Ferentz also elaborated on the speeding incident. "Anyway, so I was pulling off the highway and I just said to myself, 'You can do this, Kirk. You can take just as many risks as the next coach in the country.' So I pushed the pedal down a little harder, I felt those RPMs get cranking, I watched the speedometer creep above 30, and I just let 'er rip. Let me tell you, it's been years since I felt so alive. And straight through University Heights, too," Ferentz chuckled. "My heart was beating about a million times a minute, but I was glad I did it."
Opinion about Ferentz's risk-taking varied among his friends and family. Mary Ferentz, his wife, declined to comment, but a source wishing to remain anonymous noted that she immediately laid down in a dark room with a cool, damp cloth over her face after Ferentz told her about his newfound need for speed. Brian Ferentz expressed support for his father, declaring that he "was happy to see Dad cutting loose a little bit. I always tell kids on the recruiting trails that he's not an old stick-in-the-mud and now I have some tangible proof of that."
Not all of Ferentz's friends and family were so supportive of his actions, though. Longtime friend and former assistant coach Ken O'Keefe expressed concern about Ferentz's reckless behavior. "I'm worried about him, I really am. I just think it's a slippery slope, things like this. One day it's speeding through University Heights and the next day he's running with the bulls. I just worry that he's, you know, he's going through some things right now. Making a lot of changes in his life. I left and he replaces me with a sexy young Texas thing with that irresistible come hither expression." When informed that Greg Davis was actually two years older than himself, O'Keefe simply shrugged. "I just don't want to see Kirk make bad decisions he's going to regret later. I mean, he wouldn't be the first middle-aged gentleman to get his life turned upside-down by a sexy Texan with cowboy boots and a devil may care attitude."
Ferentz indicated that while he would go back to respecting the posted traffic laws after his velocitized outburst, he would not cease his efforts to display his bold personal style to his players and potential recruits. "I've been thinking about wearing some pants tomorrow that aren't even pleated. And I might just ask the girl at Starbucks tomorrow to put on some extra whipped cream, too. The sky's the limit!"