[INT. Staples Center - Los Angeles, CA, inside the office of Mitch Kupchak, general manager of the Los Angeles Lakers]
And now I keep seeing articles like this! What the hell happened, Mitch?
To be fair, sir, it was hard to know that we would need to promise him his own TV show --
As I said over the phone, Mr. Pollard, we're in the middle of some very delicate and critically important negotiations. Our client, Dwight Howard, can be very fickle and we're having a difficult time striking the right notes in his negotiations. We thought maybe we need some fresh ideas about how to market ourselves and some colleagues of mine said that you were a bold thinker.
Good god, not that one. We don't want to encourage him to speak more -- all he does is get in trouble when he opens his mouth.
You know, I've been fighting this battle with the NCAA, too. My basketball coach, Fred, wants to accept a transfer pony from the Faraway Farm in Kentucky, but Mark Emmert and his fuddy-duddy underlings in Indianapolis keep saying "no."
No, I don't think that will work. Dwight hates flopping.
Oh hell, let's just use the first one. It can't make things any worse.
(H/T to Horace for his assistance with these pics. Thanks, Mr. Cow!)