Black and Gold Clad Men: The Merger

Previously on Black and Gold Clad Men

I can handle this...

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You have no idea how to run an offense...

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Guess who I banged last night... you're not going to get it... Betty Grable.

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How is everybody doing down here? Nice to meet you, I'm Chris White, I work upstairs in accounts.

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I've decided to take a job with the Dolphins.

If you wanted a raise, all you had to do was ask. How much d-

It's not about money. This is my chance, you know, bigger and better things.

Kirk gets on his knees and grasps Ken's hand.

But I need you here.

I'm sorry.

A coaches meeting takes place

Boys, and lady, do I have news for you...

The coaches look at each other.

Are you planning on telling us?

Yes, out with it.

Chevy is not happy and the rumor is... it's pitching season.

Chevy? As in Chevy Vega, the nation's top defensive recruit? That's a household name.

He's the big one we've been looking for all these years.

The kid looks and runs like a sports car. It's a dream get.

Yeah, yeah, it's great, but have you forgotten, we already have Jaguar Pierce, you're willing to throw what we know we have for something we may not get.

For Chevy, yes.

And you (pointing at Gary), you're positive about this information.

I talked with somebody associated with Chevy this morning; our meeting in Detroit is this Saturday.

Saturday? OK, I'm out of here (stick head out door). Dawn, could you assemble the defensive coaches?

Moments later...

Gentlemen, this doesn't get any bigger. We're pitching to Chevy on Saturday, so lets get some quick ideas.

Chevy - you'll be playing on the field from day one.

Too desperate.

Umm, I don't know. Umm. Chevy - Black Heart, Gold Pants.

Too corny.

Chevy - Finally a sack in under 20 seconds.

Chevy - A quarterback's worst nightmare, a farmer's best friend.

America does need farmers.

What was that last thing you said?

America Needs Farmers.

I like that, let's come back to that one later, but guys this is Chevy. Let's keep working.

Friday night at a bar in Detroit

Another virgin daiquiri please, this time put an umbrella in it.

Well, what do we have here?

Heh, Joe Philbin, what are you doing in Detroit?

Same thing you are - we're after Chevy.

Umm. Whiskey sour.

You coach the Dolphins, why are you after Chevy.

Got to make early connections nowadays. And let's be real, this is Chevy. I heard even Stern at NBA is in the hunt.

Figures. An institution that big, there goes our shot, nobody wants the little guy.

You're telling me. Try to coach a bottom feeder in the NFL, he's not going to want us. Say, can I ask what you're pitch is going to be.

Only if you tell me yours first.

OK. I bring out an artist rendering of downtown Miami and its full of Chevys. Jersey, pennant, billboards. Chevys everywhere; at every corner. And then I was going to do the Will Smith rap "Miami." Been practicing non-stop for three days - "Here I am in the place where I come let go, Miami the base and the sunset low. Everyday like a Mardi Gras, everybody party all day, no work, all play, okay." And so on.

Cute.

And yours?

Pretty simple. A picture of Chevy in front of an Iowa cornfield. "Chevy - coming to a field near you."

Iowa cornfield. Has that been done before?

Not that I know of.

I like yours.

And I like your too.

It's too bad, it's all for nothing.

What if its not.

What?

Hear me out. I'm not a big enough, you're not big enough. We both need to get bigger, so let's combine forces on this.

This kind of partnership has never happened before. College and Pro. You know the higher-ups are not going to like it. It might be in our best friend.

Are you content with being last your in field? Because I'm not, so let's do this.

OK, I'm in.

The next morning

You're ready to do this?

It's time to shake up the status quo.

You've never been like this before.

I've never had this opportunity before. Welp, here they are.

This is Don, I'm sure you've met before.

Looking as handsome as ever.

If we're going to do this, let's do it right.

You ready?

(Humming ‘Miami') Let's do this.

This is a recruit's house? There's a car right in the middle of the foyer.

Hey man, it's Chevy.

(Nodding) Chevy.

Later that night.

So, did you get it?

We did.

Ken looks over surprised.

We?

Yes, ‘we' Ken. Kirk and I decided to merge into one entity. And guess what, we want you to put out the press release.

Yes, sir.

Kenny, be excited. We landed Chevy.

OK.

Ken walks back to his desk and the click-clack of his typewriter keys eventually ring out.

(Reading his work) "The Iowa Hawkeyes and the Miami Dolphins..." Good start. What's on TV (Turns on the television). Oooh Top Cat.

Next time on Black and Gold Clad Men

I need answers and I want them now.

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Oh no.

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You drank an entire bottle of Jim Bean? Welcome aboard Chris White.

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Where's Ken?

Oh the NCAA put a kibosh on that. Big time. Also, we're going to be a little short on scholarship the next few years, but don't tell anyone.