We have a new favorite football player at BHGP: Damon Bullock, junior tailback. Frankly, we shouldn't, since he's funnier than we are so now he's a threat to the BHGP empire, but we are delighted by Mr. Bullock anyway.
That's because Mr. Bullock is an auteur, a downright genius with short-length video site Vine. Now, you might be thinking, "wait, didn't Kirk Ferentz ban social media or whatever?" Well, he banned Twitter (booooo), and Vine is a twitter-owned company. But, it is its own separate website/network, and Bullock keeps his videos there and only there (this is verifiable, by the way; more on that in a second). So even if Kirk Ferentz doesn't know about this stuff, Bullock's probably fine on this front.
Just so we're clear: Bullock is 20 years old. You know how your sense of humor was at 20, right? His is... what you would expect. The videos are funny—not even "athlete funny," like Shaquille O'Neal, but genuinely, legitimately funny—and they're mostly harmless, but if you're looking for a way to be offended you can usually find it, and here it's no exception. Not all of the humor is BHGP-approved, so to speak (you'll see if you watch all of the videos), but we're not the ones making these things.
Oh, and we would embed these videos (Vines) (whatever we're supposed to call them) for easier viewing, but since Bullock hasn't shared them on any social media platform, embedding is disabled. So we'll link a few for your perusal, and his entire catalog is here.
1. Hoop Dreams - Every man yearns to fly.
2. How to Get White Girls - You may roll your eyes, but it probably works. Probably.
3. Inside The Pants of DBull - It's only weird if you make it weird.
4. Lets Walk to Applebee's - March sucked, didn't it?
5. Bro... - If you're a white person uncomfortable about watching videos with heavy amounts of that one colloquialism for black people, congratulations, there's a video just for you!
6. Waddup Tho - QB C.J. Beathard makes a guest appearance in this killer "trick shots" video.
7. How Dudes Be After They Get Some - This is indeed how we be after we get some.
Here's the deal: it takes a lot of creativity to put these things together, particularly when you're tasked with putting together a concept and punchline in under 10 seconds. It's like writing a funny blog post in 8 words (we're currently at close to 400 on this one and we haven't come close to making a decent joke yet). Bullock's videos, for all the inherent limitations, are clever, well-paced and generally solid on the payoff. That's really remarkable.
Of course, there is the Ferentz thing, and some of the videos are just offensive enough that a particularly stuffy coach or SID honcho might balk at the thought of Bullock keeping this habit up. We could not disagree with that notion more fully. This is really funny stuff that Bullock is doing, and it helps us appreciate him as more than just some off-and-on starting running back. No, it won't get him his own vignette on College Gameday or anything, but it might get him a job on TV after school if Bullock "goes pro in something other than sports." Who knows?
At any rate, this is the greatest thing and it makes us deliriously happy.