Mike Evans's Moustache Facts

Mike Evans: Top-ten wrestler at 174 pounds. Folk hero. Man crush. And the owner of the most fantastic moustache in college sports.

This post began as a comment to Ross's PSU meet recap, but I'm spinning it off here in a FanPost and inviting others to contribute some little-known facts about Mike Evans’s moustache.

Mike Evans's Moustache Facts
The trimmings from Mike Evans’s moustache are used in a homeopathic fertility treatment. Seventy-five percent of the time it works…every time.

Do not taunt Mike Evans’s moustache.

Virgins are advised not to look directly at Mike Evans’s moustache due to risk of immaculate conception.

Mike Evans’s moustache entered the Midlands Tournament unattached…and won the 125 pound division despite weighing less than an ounce.

Mike Evans’s moustache is so intimidating, he doesn’t need to shave the rest of his face. His beard is scared to grow.

Mike Evans’s moustache is on the list of MLB and NFL banned performance-enhancing substances.

Mike Evans’s moustache is a visiting faculty member of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop and has written a volume of poetry titled "A Forest of Me". It is a finalist for the National Book Award.

Mike Evans’s moustache doesn’t bother hunting rabbits on campus. He prefers stalking big game (specifically, Nittany Lions).

Mike Evans and his moustache were the original inspiration for "The Most Interesting Man in the World," but Dos Equis had to tone it down a bit since the truth would have been too outlandish for their ad campaign.

Mike Evans and his moustache are currently playing bass guitar and appearing as Derek Smalls in the Spinal Tap tribute band, "Back Points". The group also features Nathan Burak as Nigel Tufnel (lead guitar) and Bobby Telford as David St. Hubbins (lead vocals). A variety of 149-pounders have tried their hand at drummer, to disastrous results…

Mike Evans went to a barber to shave his moustache. Two hours and five razors later, the barber gave up in frustration.

A group of biology graduate students has received a grant from the National Science Foundation to study unclassified species of microorganisms in the ecosystem of Mike Evans’s moustache.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.