clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

BHGP THURSDAY Q&A: Why Aren't You Angry, Why Is Michigan Angry, Tacos, Sandwiches And Giant Horses

It's Thursday, and Thursdays are for Q&As. Send your #B1G/Iowa/sandwich questions to @Adam_Jacobi or @BHGP and we'll answer them as best we can.

By Adam Jacobi
"If I could be a mile tall and stomp you all to death I would. In a goddamn heartbeat." - that horse
"If I could be a mile tall and stomp you all to death I would. In a goddamn heartbeat." - that horse
Michael Steele

Lots of good questions. Let's get at it.

Iowa is basically meeting expectations and making a notable improvement over last year. I don't think any fans are saying "I am fine with this for the next 10 years straight" but at the very least the ineptitude is largely off the field and from there we can start expecting 8-4 (4-4) as a baseline of success again. There'll be fluctuations both up and down from there, and everyone knows better than to expect they won't happen, and this season feels like one of those fluctuations down—there's a brand new quarterback throwing to some young guys at wideout, etc.

At any rate, if improvement keeps up (as one would and should expect), one day we'll look back on this season with a shrug. You don't fire coaches over shrug seasons. It's just whatever.

Two-parter here. I feel like Michigan fans need a reassuring voice after the ASS-WHIPPING Michigan State donated free of charge. This can be a disconcerting experience for a big brother. It's like the first time your little brother blocks your shot when you're shooting around in the driveway, or when he choke-slams you for the first time and then pins you while your creepy mortician friend holds up an urn or whatever (note: I may have been watching old Undertaker-Kane matches on YouTube for the last 17 hours. Yolo.).

But in terms of what this means for your program or your season, ehhhh. Michigan State's going to make a lot of teams look a lot worse than usual this year. That's just how it goes. Everyone here worried about the state of the program and the offense and everything else after MSU choked Iowa out... then things looked substantially better against Ohio State the very next game and people came off the ledge.

If Michigan played Sparty every single week, yes, it would be "really as bad as they [sic] showed at MSU." But like... the Wolverines get to play Nebraska now. You are going to see a much different type of game this week, because the other team is that different.

And as for how long before Brady Hoke is gone... dude is recruiting at a Top 10 level in a conference chock-full of lousy recruiters, and he has a 1-1 record against Your Rival You Can't Say Out Loud Because Grrr Rivalry (hint: I mean Ohio State). Yeah, he just got throttled by MSU, but that doesn't mean he should go. Great defenses win lots of games against good teams. Firing your successful coach isn't going to stop that from happening.

Also, there are roughly 9-10 other teams in the Big Ten—11-12 next year—who would love to take Hoke (and his recruits) off your hands if you don't want him and them. Come on.

Tacos do not convert to sandwiches. At best you just put the stuff that's in a taco into a bread situation, but it's not as good and we all know it. The reason I asked for sandwich questions is because it's open to more discussion, whereas there's just not much need for questioning about tacos. They are superfoods, like acai berries and cheetos.

Thin and paper-sized. I'm sure there are good versions of the thicker, more conservatively spaced-out versions, but the intersection of tenderloin, seasoning and breading is where heaven lives, and thus you want to maximize that surface area as much as possible.

As for toppings, there are only three necessities: yellow mustard, dill pickle slices and raw onion (red or white). Ketchup is popular and I'll usually do that, but you can do without it; I would never advocate having it with ketchup and no mustard, though. If you want to do lettuce, tomato, mayo, I ain't mad atcha.

For all things pork tenderloin in the great state of Iowa you should read Des Loines. It has a review of nearly every pork tenderloin in the state. No really. Yes, even in those little towns you only hear about when their football scores are listed on Friday nights or someone dies in a corn elevator accident there. It's pretty awesome. Anyway, long live the pork tenderloin, Iowa's REAL state sandwich.

This question, like all horse questions, is stupid. But it's one I can answer with math so the hell with it, let's do it.

With a size 4 horse shoe, the area of the shoe is 46.1 square inches, or almost exactly .32 square feet. An acre is 43,560 square feet, by comparison, and the listed area of Ohio Stadium is 10 acres. In other words, the area of the 'Shoe is 1,361,250 bigger than the area of a standard horse's shoe.

To take that down to one dimension, that's 1166.7 times bigger per side. Let's cube that for volume, and we're talking about a horse that is altogether 1,588,206,024 times bigger by volume.

Horse size varies wildly, but for one with shoes that size, it's fair to say 15 hands tall and 1,100 pounds. Extrapolated to our new dimensions, that horse would be 17,500 hands, or 5,830 feet tall—well over a mile tall. It would weigh 1.74 trillion pounds. It would destroy Earth as we know it with a single gallop.

All horses dream of this power, evil and destruction, all the time.

More From Black Heart Gold Pants