Former Iowa Hawkeyes defensive lineman Ettore Ewen, now commonly known as WWE wrestler Big E Langston, defeated Curtis Axel Monday night to win the WWE Intercontinental Championship.
Wait, let me try that again.
BIG E WON THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP YOU GUYS WOOOOOOOO WE DID IT GO IOWA AWESOME
WE DON'T EVEN CARE IF THE EXISTENCE OF TWO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS HAS DILUTED THE INTERCONTINENTAL BELT TO SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE EUROPEAN TITLE AND THE MILLION DOLLAR BELT
BIG E LANGSTON PUTS THE IC IN IOWA CITY
MOVE OVER RICKY STEAMBOAT BECAUSE THE GREATEST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION EVER IS NOW HERE
Here's how he did it: On Monday Night Raw from, um, Monday night, Big E faced WWE Intercontinental Champion (and noted Minnesotan) Curtis Axel. After Axel spent 10 minutes doing what Minnesota wrestlers do -- stalling and running away from Iowans -- Big E slammed the champ, then landed a clothesline and suplex. A big splash nearly ended the match, but Axel kicked out of a pin and Langston's first attempt at his finishing move, the Big Ending.
After a sequence where Axel could not get Langston into a neckbreaker, Langston landed his finishing move. Three ain't enough. Give him five, mofos. We have a new champion. This is pretty much the greatest day ever.
Congrats to Big E. Congrats to all of us.