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The Big Ten Betting Extravaganza: Week 4 - Back to Back

Two weeks ago I rode Michigan State into the sunset and last week it was Purdue that took to me to the promised land. That's a winning streak, ladies and gentlemen. Back to back. Just like these two assholes:


I realize the above device doesn't make sense, but it was either that or a screenshot of the "ass-to-ass" guy in Requiem for a Dream. I don't know why those were my only options but trust me, that was it. Anyway, now that my bankroll has quadrupled in size I can either purchase a dick motorcycle with a sidecar for my balls, or I can keep it rolling. Since there's not a lot of motorcycling room in my pants and because I don't trust my penis to wear a helmet, I'm going to push that money on to week 4. And with that, I give you the grid:


First Impressions:

I probably know as much about the Louisiana Tech NotTigers as the next guy, which is fucking nothing, so I can't help but wonder if they've done something amazing in the first couple games or if Illinois is actually worse than the average pile of suck they usually are. By looking at the over/under, I assume they can score points. And after writing that sentence I looked it up and yes, they do. They dropped 56 each on Rice and Houston. But hey, Illinois isn't exactly a slouch. Last week they won 44-0 against South Carolina. And by South Carolina, I mean Charleston Southern. This all adds up to a game I don't give a shit about.

Trying not to get hung up on last week:

Purdue easily covered the 24 against E Michigan, so this week the Eagles are getting 32 versus Michigan State. At first glance it seems reasonable to assume that any team Purdue beats by 24, MSU can one-up them and cheap-shot-injure enough of their players to beat them by 32. Plus, the offense has something to prove after being held to a field goal last week. But something doesn't feel right here. Kind of like grabbing a transvestite's crotch. Or so I've heard.

Don't forget about over/unders:

If I can't take MSU to cover, I certainly can't take the over. Take that statement and apply it to Wisconsin as well. Pretty much everyone else goes over, because the Big Ten is a murderous offensive juggernaut.

A few words on Iowa:

The line opened at 18 and the money hasn't stopped coming in on Central Michigan. By Tuesday it had dropped to 16. Yesterday it was 15.5. Now it's down to 14.5. If it hits 13.5, then I love it. Also, the Iowa under seems to be the Michigan over of 2010. I'll keep betting it until they can prove me otherwise.

The pick:

Ohio State to cover. That's right, I'm taking the biggest spread of the week and putting it in the hands of Toni Braxton Miller. More accurately, I'm putting it in the hands of the OSU defense to keep UAB in single digits and Urban Meyer to keep his foot on the gas in the 4th quarter. Here's to hoping he's the incredible dickhead I think he is.