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The Big Ten Betting Extravaganza: Week 3 - We Got One

We did the research. We wrote the business plan. We executed it word for word. We submitted our picks. We watched and we waited.

And it happened.



If you'll recall, I took Michigan State to cover 20 points, which they did with ease. Now comes the decision on whether to let that money ride or to buy myself something extravagant like a 10-gallon hat for my penis. Tough call, but as irresistible as women find a man wearing a dick hat, I'm feeling good about my decision-making process, so let's keep it rolling.

I was particularly impressed with my discipline to stay away from those easy-looking lines. Wisconsin and Nebraska traveled west to play what appeared to be inferior opponents receiving single-digit points. Look what happened. They shit the bed and on the pillows and the floor and some way over there on the dresser drawers. As bad as that sounds, I imagine it's not the first time Bielema and Pelini have woken up on a Sunday morning in a shit-filled room.

Enough about those two jizzdumps, let's have a look at the grid.


First Impressions:

Every Big Ten team is favored this week, which probably means that the conference is a world class wrecking crew. Also, Indiana is favored for the second week in row, which means they have a football team. Lastly, there are no lines for Iowa, which means they will win by 1275 points.

So this is what it's come to:

Wisconsin is only a 14 point favorite at home against a WAC team. Penn State is only a 7 point favorite at home against a service academy. Those are money bets in any year that's not this year. However, it is this year. Remember that. It will be useful information for another 3 months.

Don't forget about over/unders:

It's hard to root against touchdowns, but I would happily bet that Nebraska and Utah State are physically unable to hit 68 points. In fact, if I were strapped down and tickled in the face with Paula Deen's pubic hairs I would probably just take all the unders.

The pick:

Purdue covers the 24 points against Eastern Michigan. Normally I don't like Purdue to cover anything against anyone, but Eastern Michigan just got shit-rolled by an FCS team. A good FCS team, yes, but they still have 20 less scholarship players on their roster. (Hey, that's the theme for this weekend!) Give the points and starting shopping for a sweet new penis hat.