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Minnesota Football and the Sound of No Hands Clapping

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Hey, Coach.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Oh hey, MarQueis.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium You wanted to see me about something?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes! Yes, I did.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Uh, is this about Goldie puking all over his costume the other day at the State Fair? Because I swear, Coach, I told him not to keep eating those lamb fries and sushi. I mean, who eats sushi at a State Fair, anyway? Stick to Pronto Pups, right?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium What? No. I don't even...

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Look, no, it's not about that. Goldie's, ah, indiscretions will be dealt with later.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Okay.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium No, MarQueis, I called you here because I wanted you to be the first to see our exciting new team room!


(via @GopherSports)

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Wow! That looks awesome, Coach!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /beams

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /sits down

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Oh man, these chairs are killer. So comfortable.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes, sir. Comfort is king, that's what my great grandpappy always said.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Really?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Usually he said [incoherent small animal sounds].

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Wait, was your grandpa an actual gopher?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium ... I don't like to talk about it.

Marqueis_gray_icon_mediumJerry_kill_icon_medium /awkward silence

Marqueis_gray_icon_mediumJerry_kill_icon_medium /still awkward

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Um... Coach?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes?

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium This is great and all and the pictures of the stadium are beautiful, but... why is it empty?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /sigh

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Is it supposed to be the student section? I know we'd only sold 2000 student tickets as of a few weeks ago... even after I went on that Segway Tour Meet 'n' Greet all over campus!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium No, it's not that.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Oh, I get it. It's supposed to be some sort of visualization exercise, right? Like how you have me visualize throwing a completed pass to one of my actual receivers and not a defensive back? We're supposed to visualize actually playing in front of 50,000 screaming, excited Gopher fans, right?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Uh... yes! Yes, that's it!

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Really?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium No. That's not true, either.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Really?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium The truth is... we couldn't find any pictures of a full TCF Bank Stadium that didn't include at least 15,000 Iowa fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Oh.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or Wisconsin fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Ah.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or Nebraska fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Yeah.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or North Dakota State fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Ugh.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or South Dakota fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /sigh

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or --

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Okay, Coach, I get it. Those fanbases are something else.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yep.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /gets up

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium You know what, Coach? I believe that some day -- someday soon! -- the Bank will be packed full of Gopher fans! 50,000 Gopher fans crammed into every seat in the place!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium That's the spirit, MarQueis!

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Ski-u-mah! Ski-u-mah!

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /leaves room

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /shakes head sadly

Jerry_kill_icon_medium 50,000 Gopher fans? Ha! You poor, deluded fool... what did Tim Brewster do to you?

* * *

Somewhere in the darkest reaches of America (aka, Mississippi)...

Brewsterpowericon_medium /perks up

Brewsterpowericon_medium BREW SENSE TINGLING

Brewsterpowericon_medium RETURN GLORY TRIUMPH

Brewsterpowericon_medium FIGHT TRY COWBELL