At the Calumet City Bingo Hall
Thank you, Ron and thank you former Indiana coaches Cam Cameron, Gerry DiNardo and Bill Lynch. Once again, I'd like to thank you, the reporters, for coming out to the Ex-Big Ten Coaches Media Day. Both of you. It is very appreciated. I, of course, am John Cooper, dean of fired Big Ten coaches, and I can tell you that fall is not only an exciting time for those Big Ten schools, but also for us. Lots of golf to play... heh heh heh. Anyway, next up at the podium is former Minnesota head coach Tim Brewster.
Brewster sprints to the microphone
Summer went well! Attacked that weight room! Watched the Dark Knight Rises! Trying to be ripped like Bane!!! That's my new motto!!! Shoutout to my boy Eric Decker for working with Peyton Manning!! Opening the floor to questions!!!!!!!
Brewster waits silently
Yes, I've asked the same questions to Coach Cameron, Coach DiNardo, Coach Lynch and Coach Turner, and I'll ask it to you too - can you tell me how to get to the McCormick Place Convention Center for the actual kickoff luncheon, the flyer I received said Big Ten Coaches Media Day in big bold letters and the Ex part is only in 6-type font.
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You stink! I once had Laurence Maroney and Marion Barber III in the same backfield. That team was a monster. Music City Bowl champs; never forget. Meanwhile, what did you do? Sully my program and get rewarded with a new stadium. It's not fair.
Gentlemen, gentlemen. Calm yourselves. You are part of an important brotherhood. Not everyone can be fired by a Big 10 program and we, I repeat: we, have done it. Now are there any more questions for Tim?
Man comes up and taps Cooper on the shoulder, handing him a laptop
Cooper grabs the laptop and turns it away.
Cooper hands the laptop to an assistant.
Once again. I'd like to thank you for coming out. I think it's been another successful day. We have some complimentary Minnesota shirts that Coach Mason stole on his way out for you as you go. One final time - thank y-