Dateline: Ames, Iowa
Jamie Pollard whistles a happy tune as he walks to his office at the Iowa State athletic building
Pollard reaches his office
No, no. Have you checked the newspapers? We just pulled in over a million dollars of royalties in merchandise. People cannot seem to get enough of the Cyclones, so I'm walking on air. What could go wr-
Pollard shakes head vigorously
Well, you probably know by now that I have been named commissioner of the Big XII. So, I have been calling each of the schools and introducing myself and finding out a little more about each institution and how things are going.
Yeah, I bet. Let me guess, for this solidarity I'm going to have to wear a suit of armor at this summer's Big XII meetings again. Do you how embarrassing that was last year? And not to mention hot. I collapsed three different times due to heat stroke.
That's ridiculous. Of course, you won't wear a suit of armor. Wait, did that actually happen? I heard rumors and I saw the YouTube video, but everybody at Stanford thought that that was just a dumb teenager dressed in armor.
Pollard puts Bowlsby on hold
Barta knows about the merchandise. Get all of this stuff out of here. Hand it out to the homeless, send it to Africa, burn it. I don't care just get it out. If Barta reveals that the athletic department bought over half of the merchandise, I'll be a laughingstock. Get it out!
Jamie picks up the phone again
Screw the fans! Enough is enough. You insult me right now. Tell me how dumb I am. Tell me how crappy I run this program. Send me to another made up bowl game. Tell me to mint Kevin Jackson Silver Dollars. Let me know the Sun Belt is still accepting applications. Do it! Damnit! Do it.
Pollard puts his head on his desk and sobs.
Bowlsby hangs up the phone
Meanwhile in Ames, Pollard still has his head resting on his desk.