The door flies open and the four men file in.
(Picks up newspaper and reads) "Why I'm Quitting On Running the Ball - recently my football team ended a long relationship with the running back position, and I'm relieved. For over 100 years, Iowa football has devoted itself to using a position for which good work is irrelevant because teams can't stop themselves from using it. A position that never improves, constantly gets injured and makes people unhappy. But there was money in it. A lot of money. In fact, our entire university depended on it. We knew it wasn't good for us, but we couldn't stop. So, as of today, the Iowa football program will no longer recruit running backs. We know it's going to be hard. If you're interested in running backs, here's a list of schools that do it well: Wisconsin, Nebraska, Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech and Texas A&M. As for us, we welcome all other skill positions because we're certain that our best work is still ahead of us. Sincerely, Kirk Ferentz, Iowa football.
This is suicide. I mean I coach wide receivers and I'm all about throwing the ball, but this is a death wish. We need running backs. You're going to get our receivers and this program killed. Is that what you were thinking?
I cannot believe I'm hearing this. Running backs have been the cornerstone of the team. Ronnie Harmon, Nick Bell, Sedrick Shaw. These were all crown jewels on successful teams. I cannot be a part of a program that does not share that vision. Gentlemen, I bid you adieu.
Mr. Fry leaves in a huff
Ferentz reaches for the phone
Kirk, Washington State will always be behind you. It almost makes me feeling like singing: Fifteen men on a dead man's chest. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Drink and the devil sent to the shed for a rest. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It's your old buddy Beliema. Thanks for the plug in today's newspaper. I'm used to poaching quarterbacks, but an extra running back or two will not be a problem behind our behemoth line. Thanks again Kirk. Have a good fall.
Kirk hangs up.
Meanwhile in the break room
Well everybody thinks that it's the death knell of the program, but I think it's the exact opposite. I think it will open some new opportunities. And who doesn't like an exciting passing offense. I think the rumors of our demise are a little exaggerated.
Mr. Fry walks by holding some of his belongings in a box.
The three young workers all stare, mouth agape