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MARCHIFORNICATION 2012, ROUND 1: JAMES VANDENBERG vs. BIG RON AND THE NOODLE

NUMBER THREE SEED: JAMES VANDENBERG

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What he did to get here: Won the starting quarterback job, is not a good fisherman, played Cameron to Marcus Coker's Ferris Bueller, turned into Dan Marino to beat Pitt and won Big Ten Player of the Week for his trouble, went bear hunting, didn't know who Opie was.

NUMBER SIX SEED: BIG RON AND THE NOODLE

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What they did to get here: Tried to get a job at KCJJ, failed, had to remain wannabe hack journalists, still playing "What's That Smell?" (hint: it's a fart).

SO WHO WINS?