NUMBER TWO SEED: GARY "BLOODPUNCH" BARTA
What he did to get here: Wrote a nasty letter to UI Public Safety; found a time capsule; let Anthony Hubbard through the gates, then announced his departure; made a parody song album with the football staff; apologized for Brommelhead's supernatural effects; canceled basketball in favor of Calvinball; rang the bell at NASDAQ; kinda threw Fran McCaffery under the
Wait just a second.
What is it, Gary? I'm trying to get all the Barta stuff out. Look there, at the top of the ramp.
Hey yo Ken doll
Hey, everyone! It's Iowa basketball superstar Matt Gatens! 
Ken doll, you've got such a big mouth, and we are sick of it. We? We? Who's "we"? I'll tell you what, you go get three of your very, very best. Maybe it's Billionaire Kirk. Maybe it's Mandenberg. Ooh, I'm so scared. It doesn't matter, because we -- Who's "we", Matt? -- WE ARE TAKING OVER. Only let's do it right. Let's do it here. Let's do it in Marchifornication, where it counts. If Billionaire Kirk and his big boys have any guts, they'll be here. And you'll be with them. You want to go to war? You want a war? You got one. /drops mic, walks away 
I...I don't know what he's talking about. Let's just get back to the match.
NUMBER SEVEN SEED: SCARE-CENTER
What it did to get here: Was a scarecrow and played center. That's pretty much it.
So, who wins Marchifornication?