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MARCHIFORNICATION 2012, ROUND 1: KIRK FERENTZ vs. A.J. DERBY

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NUMBER ONE SEED: KIRK FERENTZ

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What he did to get here: Held the Ladies Football Academy for the first time; scrubbed Adam Robinson and DJK from the record; resisted calls to implement a 3-4 defense; committed a gigantic recruiting violation; looked through a time capsule with Bloodpunch; got bold as hell; took the most awkward interview request of all time with aplomb; released a parody album with his coaching staff; turned out to be pretty bad at playing the percentages; got something in his eye; mistook Senior Day for Senor Day; pooped a fully functional headset; told Mika'il McCall that BHGP was off limits; could not Tebow; had Thanksgiving with the family; visited the Ghost of Ferentz Past; interviewed coordinators; may have chopped off his index finger; eliminated the running back position from the offense; hired Robocop and a vending machine; became a human cannonball; took the arctic plunge. Wow, that's a year.

NUMBER EIGHT SEED: A.J. DERBY

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What he did to get here: Was the Hawkeyes backup quarterback; punched a bus window and ended up in the clink for a night; tried to free Floyd; was no longer the Hawkeyes backup quarterback; was no longer a Hawkeye.

So, who wins Marchifornication?