When we left the action in part 1, Ken O'Keefe had leaped off a bell tower into the Miami Dolphin team jet, a fact that lost on Coach Kirk Ferentz, who was incapacitated by Bell Tower Dizziness Syndrome at the time. We resume our plot two weeks later, in the Ferentz family living room.
Why did Ken do it? I could have saved him, if it weren't for that damned BTDS. Oh the guilt! The guilt! How will I ever replace him? [picks up remote] Maybe this ESPN Classic marathon will take my mind off of things.
The 2009 Texas-Oklahoma game comes on the screen.
Those jowls! That play-calling! It's the spitting image of my Kenny boy! Let's fire up the ol' internet and see what I can find. [Opens Netscape Navigator] Let's see... Greg Davis, 60 years old, predictable, obsessed with execution, keeps to himself, has a penchant for a perennially unsuccessful play. But what do the fans say?
They absolutely hate him! By my everything-on-the-internet-is-wrong-and-evil theorem, he must be the best offensive coordinator in the land! Think of the possibilities! It would be like Ken had never left... <yawn> had never left... had never left... [Ferentz drifts off to sleep and proceeds to have the following freaky dream]
Ferentz wakes up with a start
A few phone calls later.
36 hours later
Alright, you can take the gauze off, Greg. I don't know why I made you put it on the first place, actually. More dramatic that way, I suppose. A quick brush through the hair and some brylcreem and ... voila!
Yeah, I know I pulled a little trick on you back at the bell tower, but I can explain. You never let me take part in all your fun prank phone calls, Kirk. That was hurtful... very hurtful. So I thought I'd try one of my own. Did I fool you?
I'm operating on the theory that the everything in the media is wrong and evil -- must have missed it. That's great, Ken. Now my freaky dream makes a lot more sense. Except for the part with Grandma Ferentz and the Cyclone mascot... and the part with the blind singer from Road House.
I encourage you to adopt the Japanese business philosophy of kaizen, or continuous improvement. The Japanese think that if you make every member of your staff an active participant in the process of continually improving the productivity and creativity of the workplace, the entire organization will benefit. Be like the willow, Kirk: strong, but flexible.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It's all happening again!
or is it?