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Verti-KOK, part 1

One month ago at the Monterrey Bay Aquarium.


Iconokeefe_medium Is there anything more wondrous than the sea, Kirk?

Iconferentz_medium Ken, I think they're serious about not tapping on the window.

Iconokeefe_medium Aww, the little guy likes it. Hey, pal! What adventures you must have!

Iconferentz_medium Yeah, sure. Can we get out of here?

Iconokeefe_medium Frolicking in the sea, eating fish, free as the wind, it must be grand. If only...

Iconferentz_medium You know that dolphin is essentially an animal prisoner, right? He would bite your face off if it meant getting out of this hellhole. Then squeak his ass off as he high-tailed it for Miami Beach.

Iconokeefe_medium Poor guy. Now I know why the caged dolphin squeaks. I feel your pain, little fella. [to himself] That gives me an idea... but how... I'VE GOT IT! [makes call on cell phone]

Iconferentz_mediumLook, what's next on the itinerary? [sotto voce] I should have never put that clause in his contract that we have to take a couples vacation once every 12 years.

Iconokeefe_medium Just one more place. Then we'll be done.

A quick car trip later.


Iconferentz_medium A mission? Come on, Ken, we could be recruiting right now.

Iconokeefe_medium Oh, this won't take long. I just want to see the bell tower.


Iconferentz_medium Damn this is a lot of stairs. I'm feeling a little dizzy. It's like I've got that thing...

Iconokeefe_medium Vertigo?

Iconferentz_medium No, I think it's called "Bell Tower Dizziness Syndrome". Let's just keep going.

The two reach the top.

Iconferentz_medium Ken, can we please leave? My "Bell Tower Dizziness Syndrome" is kicking up something fierce.

Iconokeefe_medium Just a few more seconds. There's something I have to do.


Suddenly the deafening sound of jet engines fills the air.

Iconferentz_medium What the hell is that? Jet engines are the worst thing for BTDS!


Iconferentz_medium I think I'm going to black out. What is that logo on that jet? It looks like a dol -- Ken, what are you doing?! No, don't jump!

Iconokeefe_medium I have to! It's the only way I can fly free! Free like the dolphin!

Iconferentz_medium NOOOO--dolphins can't fly--OOOOO!!!! [Blacks out]


Iconokeefe_medium Sucker.

Aboard the Dolphin team jet


Marino_medium This is highly unconventional, Mr. O'Keefe.

Iconokeefe_medium I had to do it this way, Dan Marino. I never could have gotten away from him otherwise.

Marino_medium Well, Joe Philbin wanted you, so you must be worth it.

Iconokeefe_medium Darn tootin'. Now, Dan, let me tell you how you could have been a really great quarterback: all bootlegs, all the time.

Marino_medium ...

Iconokeefe_medium I said "all bootlegs, all the time".

Marino_medium ...

Iconokeefe_medium I said "all boot" -- oh, maybe I should clarify: it's a football play, not a literal boot or anything.

Marino_medium I know what a bootleg is, you corn-fed piece of ... Look, let's just get some shut-eye. It's a long trip to Miami.

To be continued ...