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Santa Ferentz is Coming to Town

He's making a note. He's checking it twice. He's gonna find out who executed nice.

Santa_kirk_icon_blurry_medium I'm telling you, this is a bad idea. I mean, I'm not really comfortable with this.

Iconbarta_medium Kirk, it's all about repairing your image with the community and the state. And what better way than this?


Santa_kirk_icon_medium *Sigh* You might be right, but what if the kids talk to me?

Iconbarta_medium Well that's the whole point, you're going to interact with the kids and it'll be a great photo opportunity.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium But I feel ridiculous, look at me. There's already gum in the beard. I'd rather be preparing for a bowl game right now. I mean c'mon Gary, could this get any worse?


Greg_the_elf_icon_medium I'm ready, I'm here, let's do this.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium You have got to be kidding me.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium I really like the shoes. Do they make them in a mens?

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Gary, if you'll excuse me. I need about 10 seconds with Greg.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium I'm only going to give you two.

Kirk pulls Greg away.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium What are you still doing here? You told me you were going back to Texas to begin working on the offense for next year.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium And I did. I made the field in the background of all my plays smaller so now those one-yard out routes are 11-yard out routes. I'm seeing a lot of first downs in our future next year. Plus, it's Christmas, where's your holiday spirit?

Santa_kirk_icon_medium (under his voice) You had Vandenberg throw it one yard forward and 20 yards sideways.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium What?

Santa_kirk_icon_medium I said Ho! Ho! Ho! Let's get this over with.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium That's better. Let's go.

Cut to a holiday-themed room inside the Paul W. Bechler Press Box

Iconbarta_medium Oh.. oh... kids. What's that I hear? Why, yes... it's Santa Claus! And he brought a helper with him. How about we lineup and all tell Santa, what we want for Christmas.

The first child take a seat on Santa Ferentz's lap

Santa_kirk_icon_medium So, ummm, well, ummm, did you execute well this year ?

Little_kid2_medium What?

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium He means: have you been a good boy this year?

Little_kid2_medium Oh. Yes, I've been good all year.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium That's good. That's... that's really good. You should get more credit for being good. Santa was good for two-straight weeks this year, but people were still mean to him.

Little_kid2_medium Awwwwwww. That's not fair. I still like you Santa.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium And Santa likes you too. Now what would you like for Christmas?

Little_kid2_medium An iPad mini.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium A what?

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium Billy, Santa doesn't have an iPad in the North Pole. (Whispers to Kirk) It's an electronic device, kind of like a small computer.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium A small computer for kids? Oh you mean a Speak & Spell! Well, Santa will get right on that. You have a Merry Christmas.

Little_kid2_medium (as he's ushered away) What's a Speak & Spell.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium And what is your name little girl?

Little_kid1_medium Sally.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Well, Sally did you execu- umm... were you good this year?

Little_kid1_medium Yeah, sort of.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Sort of?

Little_kid1_medium Well, I was good for some of the year, but then I was also naughty.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Santa knows what you mean. I wasn't good for a lot of the year.

Little_kid1_medium Don't say that Santa. You're good all the year round. Everyone knows that.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Do you mean it?

Little_kid1_medium Yep.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Well then Sally, I might just bring you to Santa's next press conference for a testimonial. Ho! ho! ho!

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium Boy, Sally, you've certainly helped Santa regain some of that Christmas spirit.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Yes, yes she did. Now what do you want for Christmas?

Little_kid1_medium Just Dance 4 for my Xbox 360.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium I'm sorry, Santa only understood one word of that sentence.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium It's a video game. My wife... er- elf wife and I loved the last one.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium A video game, huh. Do they still have Pac Man?

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium Well, yes, but that came out over 30 ye-

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Well, then Pac Man it is. Have a happy Ho- Ho- Holidays Sally.

The next 45 minutes fly by.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium ...Santa kind of had a bad year.

Little_kid3_medium I still love you Santa.


Santa_kirk_icon_medium ...some of Santa's reindeer, really struggled and all of the elves blamed Santa, but what could he do? He told the reindeer what to do, but they wouldn't do it.

Little_kid4_medium That's not fair.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium I know, right?


Santa_kirk_icon_medium ...and then Rudolph received the ball back and threw it all the way down the field to another reindeer. Now, wasn't that a good call?

Young_kid5_medium It was Santa.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium Hey! Didn't one of your elves make that call?

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Nah, but they like to take all the credit, don't they Mikey?

Young_kid5_medium They sure do.

The two high five


Little_girl21_medium I love you Santa!

Young_kid2_medium You're the best Santa!

Little_girl3_medium Wow! 100 wins is a lot Santa!

Young_boy6_medium That Pat Harty elf sounds like one big old stinky head!

Finally, the last child departs.

Santa_kirk_icon_medium Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas to all! Santa and his elves will be back next year; better than ever!

On the other side of the room.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium Well this was a great idea. Thank you for the invitation Gary. Even Kirk looks rejuvenated.

Iconbarta_medium I've made a huge mistake.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium What do you mean?

Iconbarta_medium Look at him, the smile... the gleam in his eyes... we've created a monster.

Greg_the_elf_icon_medium I don't understand.

Nine months later