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Greg Davis Ponders a Return

Inside the Iowa football offices...

Gerg_icon_medium Hey, Kirk.

Iconferentz_medium Oh hey, Greg. What's going on?

Gerg_icon_medium Well, Kirk, I think we need to talk.

Iconferentz_medium /sighs

Iconferentz_medium Yeah, me too.

Gerg_icon_medium So you saw the news?

Iconferentz_medium Yeah, of course.

Gerg_icon_medium Right.

Iconferentz_medium ...

Gerg_icon_medium Well, Kirk, it's just... they need me.

Iconferentz_medium I know.

Gerg_icon_medium And, well, the fit here... it hasn't been perfect.

Iconferentz_medium /snort

Iconferentz_medium No kidding.

Gerg_icon_medium /sheepish

Iconferentz_medium How many times did you call James "Colt"?

Gerg_icon_medium They both had those big ol' eyes and faces like ten-year olds.

Iconferentz_medium /mutters I wish he would've thrown like McCoy...

Gerg_icon_medium What?

Iconferentz_medium Nothing.

Iconferentz_medium And how many times did you call Keenan "Roy"?

Gerg_icon_medium How am I supposed to tell those big ol' boys apart when they keep droppin' so many balls?

Iconferentz_medium /shrugs

Iconferentz_medium Also, you kept calling our receivers slow.

Gerg_icon_medium Well, they are.

Iconferentz_medium Well, sure, but it's rude to keep saying it.

Gerg_icon_medium Ah'm a Texan! Ah'm a straight-shooter. Ah calls 'em like ah sees 'em.

Iconferentz_medium You kept decrying the condition of the brisket around here.

Gerg_icon_medium It's deplorable. Absolutely lamentable. It makes me weep just to think about it.

Iconferentz_medium You changed all the terminology for the offense, which just confused everyone. "Cowboy" this and "Dry rub" that.

Gerg_icon_medium To be fair, Ken named everything after sea mammals. "Dolphin X90 Black" and "Blue 32 Fire Orca" don't make any more doggone sense.

Iconferentz_medium /nods

Iconferentz_medium And I understand your old team has your old job open again now, isn't that right?

Gerg_icon_medium Sure is.

Iconferentz_medium Pretty surprising to see it come open like this, I have to say.

Gerg_icon_medium /nods

Iconferentz_medium Rubs me the wrong way, I'm not ashamed to admit. I thought loyalty and tenure still meant something in this crazy world, but I guess not.

Gerg_icon_medium /shakes head

Iconferentz_medium But, nope, everyone's on the move, looking for some greener grass here, a faster buck there.

Gerg_icon_medium Um.

Iconferentz_medium But I get it, Greg. I really do.

Iconferentz_medium I thought we could make this work, you and me. Two old cowboys gettin' together to take down some some black-hats.

Gerg_icon_medium Er, don't we wear black hats?

Iconferentz_medium Say again?

Gerg_icon_medium Uh, nothing...

Iconferentz_medium Yessir, thought we'd be two grizzled old cowboys, takin' down some ne'er-do-wells and ruffians.

Iconferentz_medium /pew pew

Gerg_icon_medium ...

Iconferentz_medium But I guess it wasn't meant to be, huh?

Gerg_icon_medium Uh, nope. I guess not.

Iconferentz_medium Sometimes that's how the ol' cake-pop crumbles, ha ha!

Gerg_icon_medium Don't you mean cookie?

Iconferentz_medium No, cake-pops. Brian got me hooked on 'em when he got back from New England. Says Bill swears by 'em. All the goodness of a piece of cake and none of the hassle of a plate or a fork!

Gerg_icon_medium ...

Iconferentz_medium Well, I guess this is the end. Goodbye, Greg. Good luck with the University of Texas.

Gerg_icon_medium Goodby-- er, wait, what?

Iconferentz_medium Well, you're going back to Austin, right? You're gonna go be Mack's offensive coordinator again.

Gerg_icon_medium Oh... so that's what you thought I was doing. No no no. I am going back to Texas, though.

Iconferentz_medium To do what?

Gerg_icon_medium I'm replacing Larry Hagman, may his eyebrows rest in peace, as J.R. Ewing on the new Dallas!


Iconferentz_medium /spits out cake-pop

Gerg_icon_medium I was originally cast in the J.R. role back in the '80s.

Iconferentz_medium /dumbfounded

Gerg_icon_medium Here, I even have a picture --


Iconferentz_medium /still dumbfounded

Gerg_icon_medium Well, they decided to go with Hagman then, but now ol' Greg Davis is gettin' a second chance, baby!

Iconferentz_medium /still very dumbfounded

Gerg_icon_medium Southfork, here I come! Yee-haw!

Iconferentz_medium ...goddammit. Gary is never gonna believe this one.

- fin -