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Ken O'Keefe Decries West Virginia Performance In Orange Bowl As 'Unseemly, Grotesque'

IOWA CITY, IA (AP) -- Iowa offensive coordinator Ken O'Keefe slammed West Virginia's 70-33 win over Clemson in the 2012 Discover Orange Bowl as "a grotesque display of offensive firepower." O'Keefe, who has coached the Iowa offense for the past twelve seasons, said he was shocked and dismayed by what West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen's Mountaineer offense did in Wednesday night's bowl game. "It was downright unseemly is what it was. My weekly cribbage game with mother had run a little late, so I missed most of the first quarter of the game. Let me tell you, I was not prepared for it to be 14-14! Oh my stars and garters! And then that second quarter... goodness gracious, that was uncomfortable to watch. Thirty-five points?! In one quarter?! Just dreadful. I haven't been that uncomfortable since Lester [Erb, Iowa running backs coach] slipped The Human Centipede (First Sequence) into the film room."

O'Keefe said he felt a close affinity to the Orange Bowl, having been there twice in the last decade with Iowa, first in 2003 when the Hawkeyes played USC and again in 2010 when the Hawkeyes played Georgia Tech. "I feel a kinship with the Orange Bowl, it's true. We're both a little tart and leathery on the outside but sweet and soft on the inside! So it pained me to the see West Virginia put up such a disgraceful display of offensive profligacy on the old gal last night. When I took Iowa to the Orange Bowl, I was careful to treat her with respect and common decency. 17 points against USC, 24 against Georgia Tech... why that was tasteful. Downright proper. But 70 points? Heavenly days, that's like three or four whole games worth of points. And to use them all in one game? It makes me cringe just thinking about it."

O'Keefe thought it was particularly cruel for West Virginia to run up the score so mercilessly on an ACC team. "It was just mean to do that to an ACC team. I mean, everyone knows they only play football because they have to. They're a roundball league through and through. They're always hopelessly overmatched in these prestigious BCS bowls. Did you know what their record is in these things? 2-13! And one of those wins was over Cincinnati, for God's sake, so I'm not even sure it really counts. When we played an ACC team [Georgia Tech] a few years ago, we could have dominated and embarrassed them, too. My good buddy Norm [Parker, former Iowa defensive coordinator] had their gimmicky triple-option offense locked up tighter than a drum and I had the offense humming along so well we were up 14-0 before they even knew what hit 'em. Could I have poured it on? Absolutely. But it wasn't the gentlemanly thing to do. So I had Ricky [Stanzi, former Iowa quarterback] throw them a pick-six and we pumped the brakes on the whole she-bang. We got ourselves a nice, respectful little 24-14 win in the end."

Despite the points hemorrhaged by the defenses last night, Ken O'Keefe thinks the Orange Bowl will recover just fine. "It's a tough old bowl. It'll be okay. I think I heard West Virginia is heading off to the Big XII next year, right? That's a good place for them. They'll fit right in with the rest of those high-scoring reprobates. Don't even get me started on what Baylor did to the good old Alamo Bowl. Ol' Kenny has a thing or two he'd like to tell that Art Briles [Baylor head coach] and Robert Griffin [III, Baylor's Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback]. Doesn't he know someone with that much raw athletic talent should be playing wide receiver? Or maybe linebacker. These Big XII teams are just downright silly! Anyway, with West Virginia gone the Big East can get back to sending teams like Rutgers or Louisville there to play an ACC team. I bet we'll see some nice 17-14 scores when that happens, and that will be just fine and dandy."