Hello and welcome Hawk fans to the first annual University of Iowa football defensive coordinator debate sponsored by Carlos O'Kelly's home of Hawk Talk with Kirk Ferentz. Now let's meet our candidates sponsored by Advanced Auto Parts.
Wait... wait... I don't mean to stop you here, but I have a question for you Phil Parker. Are you a fan of nepotism? Because this is all this is. One Parker retires and of course, another Parker needs to take his place. Gimme a break. We want someone who is not going to ride the coattails of his father, we need Herky in 2012.
One reason and one reason only. I am awesome and I am American unlike these guys. Look who we have up here (points) an idiot, a bozo, a jabroni, a loser, a hot head and a, well Poggi left, but you get the picture. You want them over me? I'm Herky. What more do you want? I'll put in terms anyone can understand - ‘You want your defense to rock? Make sure to pick the Hawk!' Now who's with me - U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Herky stage dives and crowd surfs
30 minutes later
Herky takes off head