First off, I'd like to thank you for showing up on short notice like this. I know a lot of you have been waiting for this announcement which I think is just weird. It's only a defensive coordinator, it's not like I'm picking the next president of the United States.
Before I announce our new coordinator. I have a few personnel updates. Tackle Riley Reiff has decided to go pro and we wish him the best at the next level. Running backs Mika'il McCall and Marcus Coker will not be with the program next year. And we are in the process of replacing defensive coordinator Norm Parker. We wish them all well in their future endeavors.
Anyway, I knew what I had in mind when I started to look for a new defensive coordinator. I wanted a Midwest guy, I wanted a no-nonsense guy and I wanted somebody that had a similar philosophy to me and this gentleman scored off the charts in all three.
Room sits silent
I know this is a little strange. Usually, I don't embrace technology, but then I sat down for an interview and was blown away. Emotionless, direct, logical, monotone, he has all the tools to work for me. Don't tell Ken, but I might find one of these for offense too.
Yes, Hi I'm with the Des Moines Register with a question for Coach Ferentz. This robot is nice, but is this really going to help you beat the juggernaut Iowa State Cyclones and please begin your answer with "Well, Iowa State is certainly a good football team, but..."
Media scribbles in notebook
Media members scribble in notebook again
Multiple hands shoot in the air
RoboCoordinator shoots one of the video cameras, causing it to explode.
All of the media personnel exits... quickly.