Diner: Excuse me, waiter.
Waiter: Yes?
Diner: Are there any specials this evening?
Waiter: Oh, yes. We have an appetizer special from Iowa. It's a small state university covered in a smaller state university, served on a small field with a tiny morsel of out any television coverage (7:00pm on Webcast).
Diner: Your sure there isn't any television coverage with that dish?
Waiter: I'm sure and if there is, you can hardly see it.
Diner: Do you recommend it? I don't, unless you're in the mood for something bland that will likely have you shitting like a mongoose the next day.
Diner: I'm not sure about that one ...
Waiter: We also have two entrée specials. First, is a dog and horse dish. It's a delicacy in Georgia. (8:00pm on ESPN and ESPN3). It's tasty but I recommend our other entrée special, the Duck.
Diner: Oh, duck? How is it prepared?
Waiter: It's Cajun style with a slight southwest flavoring (8:00pm on ABC).
Diner: It all sounds quite good, but I'm a vegetarian.
Waiter: Then I suggest Rice and I'll ask the chef to leave the steak off the plate (8:00pm on Longhorn Network)
As always: No racism, no sexism, no homophobia, no pornography, no illegal internet streams of the games. Go easy on the religion and politics, too. We're here for the football, yeah? Also, in threads like these that will get very, very busy, a little consideration goes a long way: try not to post gigantic images or a ton of .gifs and when you do post images PLEASE make sure to put something in the subject line (even "." will do) so that your comment can be hidden/minimized.