The University of Iowa Athletic Department just sent out their 2011 game day policy handbook to season ticket-holders. We got a hold of it and as a service to our readers would like to share some of the more notable changes:
- There will be slight changes to the "Big Burrito Lift" in-game promotion: fans are now encouraged to sit motionless and unsmiling as that mirthless music of the damned, "Pump It Up" by Danzel, plays in its entirety. We made good progress on this front last year, and put it to you to achieve complete fan non-involvement.
- If you are riding the Hawkeye Express train into the game and find that eight-minute segments of time keep repeating themselves, do not panic: you are in a "Source Code" scenario, and will receive instruction shortly from your CIA handler. Observe your fellow passengers carefully; that will prove important later.
- Please do not run on the field at the end of the game -- only an all-out sprint into a flying handspring is acceptable.
- There will be new express lanes to facilitate the entry process. If you have a 12-foot wooden surfboard, you will not be allowed to use the express lanes. 9-foot polyurethane boards will be allowed through the express lane.