Alright this looks to be the place. Nice house. Okay, Jamie you know what to do. You've been the laughingstock of Barta and the University of Iowa for too long. It's time to go on the offensive for the Cyclones.
Slips on mask
Time to get into character: Base 4-3 defense, cover two... Lineman U... Beautiful Co-Eds... America... Let's do this.
Walks to front door and knocks
Yes?
Hi, are you Ryan?
Yeah
My name is Eric Johnson and I'm with Iowa St... I mean the University of Iowa, we've talked on the phone before.
I talked with somebody at Iowa, but I forgot got a name.
Oh it was me don't worry. Can I come in?
Sure
In the living room
Let me cut to the chase, we've heard that you're torn between going to Iowa and going to Northwestern. Is that right?
Yeah, I've heard good things about both schools. Plus my older brother went to Northwestern.
Well, what if I told you about another school. It's flat, it's white and it has a distinct smell. I'm talking about Iowa State.
Iowa State? Where is that at?
It's in Ames. Did you know that Iowa State was recently named the 138th best party school?
In the nation?
No, the Midwest, but that's not important.
Is Gene Chizik still there?
That's kind of a sore subject, but we've got a new head coach, a home-grown boy - Paul Rhoads and he sent me a message to give to you
Holds up phone
I am so proud... no, no, no, listen, listen, I am so proud that you are considering Iowa State
Wait, wait, wait, you're from the University of Iowa, but you want me to go to Iowa State. That makes no sense.
I care for your future so much, that I am willing to steer you away from where I work to an even better place. I care about you so much.
What's my major?
Horticulture?
It's art, I want to be a photographer.
Perfect, there are a lot of things in Ames to take photos of. Take a look at this shot from one of our football media days.
Plus, I'm here to offer you a full-ride scholarship.
No way. You've got to be kidding. That's fantastic, I'm in.
Yes!!! Paul Rhoads will be so happy. Here is a business card for Iowa State athletic director Jamie Pollard. Handsome fellow. He'll get you all sorted out. It was nice talking to you.
Yeah, you too. It'll be good to be a Cyclone.
Johnson leaves and pumps a fist
I've got to tell Ryan about this.
Hey Ward, this is Ryan. Guess who's a Cyclone?
A what? I thought you were going to Iowa or Northwestern.
Have you heard of Eric Johnson from Iowa, I just had a talk with him and he's a great guy. You should listen to him, the man is a hero.
I have talked with Eric, I'll give him a call now. Congrats Ryan. Make sure to bring in my homework tomorrow.
Sure. Talk to you later.
A day later
Takes sip of boxed wine Victory is so sweet, Hoiberg you want a glass?
No way, I have my cup of Hawaiian Punch
Sir, your newspaper has arrived.
Yes!
Opens to sports page
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sir, you have a call from Ryan Fullhart, something about a promised scholarship
Janice, cancel all my calls and appointments
But you told me you were going to teach me how to shave today!!!
Cell phone rings
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