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Big Ten Media Days: Pursuing the Zooker

On a park bench outside Big Ten Media Days, Bob Zook talks with Keanu

Sadkeanuicon_medium I almost had him.
Bobzookicon_medium So did I.
Sadkeanuicon_medium I chased him for three years.
Bobzookicon_medium I did the same.
Sadkeanuicon_medium I went from California to Australia.
Bobzookicon_medium Florida to Illinois here.
Sadkeanuicon_medium It transcended my job. 
Bobzookicon_medium It transcended my life.
Sadkeanuicon_medium The pursuit became...
Bobzookicon_medium All-consuming.
Sadkeanuicon_medium Exactly.
Sadkeanuicon_medium The name's Utah.  Johnny Utah.
Bobzookicon_medium Bobert Zook.

Sadkeanuicon_medium What's your story, Bobert?  What did you do for a living?
Bobzookicon_medium Oh, odds and ends.  Professional gambling, mostly.
Sadkeanuicon_medium Poker?
Bobzookicon_medium Dog racing, actually.  And I've been trying to track down my brother Ron for years.  Dude was my nose.
Sadkeanuicon_medium Your nose?
Bobzookicon_medium Yeah, I can't smell. so he used to smell for me.  I need my nose back.
Sadkeanuicon_medium Wow, that's rough.
Bobzookicon_medium What about you, Utah?  What do you do?

Bobzookicon_medium OK, OK, no need to yell.
Sadkeanuicon_medium I was chasing this surfing band of bank robbers.
Sadkeanuicon_medium They killed my partner.  They kidnapped my girlfriend.  They forced me to let them go.
Sadkeanuicon_medium And I chased their leader, this guy named Bodie, to the end of the earth, and I had him, and I let him go again, and he got away or died or something.
Sadkeanuicon_medium I lost my job.  I lost my girl.  I lost my Heisman Trophy.  Everything.  Gone.
Bobzookicon_medium Wow.  So what did you do?
Sadkeanuicon_medium I got in with the LAPD, ended up in this situation where a crazy guy put a bomb on a bus.  After that, I just kinda figured I'm bad luck in law enforcement, so I moved home and started a rock band.
Bobzookicon_medium Anything I would have heard?
Sadkeanuicon_medium Not yet.
Sadkeanuicon_medium You know, you look familiar.
Bobzookicon_medium Not as familiar as you.  I loved that movie where you bend spoons.
Sadkeanuicon_medium No, I mean I've seen you before.
Sadkeanuicon_medium Recently, too, like...wait, over there!
Sadkeanuicon_medium /points at nearby park bench


Bobzookicon_medium That's him!  That's my brother!
Bobzookicon_medium RON!
Bobzookicon_medium RON!
Zookicon_medium /wakes up
Zookicon_medium /sees Bobert
Zookicon_medium /runs away
Bobzookicon_medium Gotta go. 
Bobzookicon_medium /chases Ron Zook through the park
Zookicon_medium /knocks over hot dog stand
Bobzookicon_medium /jumps over hot dog stand
Zookicon_medium /runs through group of people playing red rover
Bobzookicon_medium /destroys kid playing red rover who gets in the way
Zookicon_medium /enters zoo
Bobzookicon_medium /follows Ron Zook into zoo
/weaves through crowd at the monkey cage
Bobzookicon_medium /gets trapped behind crowd
Bobzookicon_medium Excuse me!  Excuse me!  Coming through!
Bobzookicon_medium /runs into a guy
Bobzookicon_medium /falls over
Drunkpeliniicon_medium /staggers backward
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Ouch!  What the hey is goins on?
Bobzookicon_medium Sorry, Coach Pelini.  Sorry about that.  I'm chasing my...
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Hey buddy, yous should really be watch wheres yous be...Ron?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Whats, dids yous forget yours razor o somethin?
Bobzookicon_medium I'm not Ron. I'm his brother Bob. I'm chasing Ron.
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Chasing Ron? Whys would yous do somethin like that?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Here, lets me help yous up.
Bobzookicon_medium Thanks.
Bobzookicon_medium Now if you'll excu...
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Is thats lavender shampoo?
Bobzookicon_medium What was that?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium I asked is thats lavender shampoo?  I know when I smells me some lavender shampoo, and that theres some lavender shampoos.
Bobzookicon_medium How did you know it was lavender shampoo?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium I has mees a pretty darned good sniffer.
Bobzookicon_medium Really?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Yessir, funny looking Ron Zooks.  I can smells mees some potpourris from a mile aways.
Bobzookicon_medium Smell me.
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Whats?
Bobzookicon_medium Smell me, and tell me what I had for lunch.
Drunkpeliniicon_medium /smells Bob Zook
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Aw, yous hads some Arbys beefs and cheddar and the seasoned curlys fries.
Bobzookicon_medium That's incredible.
Bobzookicon_medium Tell me, Bo, what do you like to do during the offseason.
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Aw, mostly I drive mines Camaro round Lincolns and hangs out at the dogs track.
Bobzookicon_medium Well, I like Camaros and dog tracks too.  Do you want a new friend, Bo?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium I needs me a new defenses coordinator.  My bros pretty stupid and he's gots the angries all the time.
Bobzookicon_medium So is my brother, Bo. So is mine.
Drunkpeliniicon_medium You wanna be mees defenses coordinator?
Bobzookicon_medium That depends: You wanna be my nose?
Drunkpeliniicon_medium Hecks, I can be yours nose.  I'ms like a hound dog r somethin.  I needs a defenses coordinator though
Bobzookicon_medium Well then Bo, I think we've got a deal.
Bobzookicon_medium From now on, you're my nose.
Drunkpeliniicon_medium An yer mees black sheep brother from a 'nother mother
Bobzookicon_medium This is going to be awesome.