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Big Ten Media Days: Bob And Jerry

Jerry_kill_icon_medium ... solid, fundamental football and you will be proud of the Minnesota Gophers this year.  Questions?

Iconpresser_flipped_medium Coach, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium ... I will skin you where you stand and use your flesh to make a kite, son. 

Bobzookicon_medium Hot damn!  Coach Kill, I like your style, man.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Um, thank you.  And you are?  You look... familiar.

Bobzookicon_medium Bob Zook, representing BHGP. 

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /blank stare

Bobzookicon_medium If you fought all the other Big Ten coaches in a royal rumble cage fight, who would win?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Uh...

Bobzookicon_medium I know that Fickell kid has youth and a badass rear naked choke, but that Pelini's a crazy son of a bitch.  And if ol' Ronnie ever unleashed his pythons... hoo boy!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium I think I could hold my own in a fight.  I beat Tom Astutz for the last bear claw at MAC Media Days a few years ago.  I know how to make fat boys cry.

Reportericon_medium Coach Kill, I'm Scoops McBreakingnewsington, and I wanted to ask you --

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Scoops what?  That name sounds ridiculously fake.

Reportericon_medium Well, it's not!  I ... had eccentric parents!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium ...

Reportericon_medium As I was saying, I wanted to ask you if you thought Tim Brewster's recruiting would be a big boost to your efforts to rebuild Gopher football.  He sure did a tremendous job recruiting up there.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Uh... yes, Tim left us some fine players to work with.

Reportericon_medium /nods

Reportericon_medium He sure did.  Did you know Marqueis likes provolone on his ham sandwiches and Troy likes a glass of warm milk before bed --

Jerry_kill_icon_medium You certainly know a lot about Minnesota players, uh, Scoops.

Reportericon_medium I'm a reporter!  It's my business to KNOW FIGHT TRY WIN --

Brewsterpowericon_medium ... crap.

Bobzookicon_medium Holy shitballs, it's Timmy Brewster!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Goddammit, Tim, I know you miss your former players, but this has got to stop.  You were fired.

Brewsterpowericon_medium GOPHER PASADENA FOREVER

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes, I imagine there are gophers in Pasadena.  Wait, are you still talking about taking Minnesota to the Rose Bowl?

Brewsterpowericon_medium BEST CHAMPION TREMENDOUS

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Champion of what?


Jerry_kill_icon_medium Tim, we've been over this.  Ten times, in fact. 


Jerry_kill_icon_medium I had the locks changed at The Bank. 

Brewsterpowericon_medium BREAKING ENTERING LOVING

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Don't test me, Tim.  I will make sure this restraining order is enforced.


Jerry_kill_icon_medium /sighs

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Wait...are you even qualified to be a reporter?

Iconpresser_flipped_medium /snorts ... sideline reporter...

Brewsterpowericon_medium RESPECTABLE EMPLOYMENT *ahem*

Brewsterpowericon_medium I won a Cable ACE Award!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Tim, watching five minutes of an awards show doesn't count.

Brewsterpowericon_medium I won a daytime Emmy!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Again, watching reruns of Big Ten Tonight everyday doesn't count.

Bobzookicon_medium Wait, you need to be qualified to be a reporter?  No one told that to ol' Bobert!  I just gassed up the Camaro, double-fisted some beef jerky and Dew, and hit the road.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium I miss the MAC.