Deep in the war room...


Down in the depths of multipurpose room 3 of the Richard Jacobson Athletic Building

Iconferentz_mediumAlright gentlemen, it’s the start of a new year. Before we kick things off, let’s take roll. Ken..


 Iconferentz_medium Norm....


honks golf cart horn



 Iconferentz_medium Erik...

 Iconcampbell_medium Yeah

  Iconferentz_medium Darrell....

 Wilsondarrell_medium Here

 Iconferentz_medium Doyle?

 Chrisdoyle_icon_medium Kill!

Iconferentz_medium Other Eric...

 Johnsoneric_medium mumbles

 Iconferentz_medium What?

 Johnsoneric_medium mumbles

Iconferentz_medium Okay, moving on — J Leman...

Iconreman_jpg_medium America!

 Iconferentz_medium Ace…

 Iconace_medium Arf (present)

Iconferentz_mediumOkay, everybody is accounted for. Gentlemen, I gathered you here this morning for one reason. Last year cannot happen again. Things would start great, we’d be balanced, we’d have some flavor, it looked like things would be good all game. Then what happens? Things became stale, we were flat and most of the time things turned out tasteless. So I want your ideas to make sure nothing like last year happens again.


  Iconnorm_medium Well if nobody will speak up I will. Thirty-five years ago, I was on a vacation in Europe with the missus. We’re touring around the French countryside and having the world’s best sex in some of the seediest hotels imaginable, it was the best vacation ever and we’re walking down a street in Paris and who do we run into? Joseph Namath, wearing some goddamn hippie fur coat and with a crowd of about  nine hundred ladies and I tell my better half: ‘there’s Joe Namath’ and my wife looks back at me and goes ‘which girl?’ and I collapse, dying laughing, I mean I nearly vomitted an entire steak and just as Namath passed by I chopped blocked his knee and he was never the same. True story.

 Iconferentz_medium And your suggestion for this year?

 Iconnorm_medium Base 4-3 defense, did you not hear a word of that entire story.

 Iconferentz_medium Anybody else?

 Iconokeefe_medium Okay, hear me out. We got a single back set and we hand the ball off to Adrian Clayborn and he bowls over every single player on the defense, running into the end zone.

Iconace_medium Woof (Fuck yeah!)

 Iconferentz_medium Ken have you been talking with your roommate again? Plus Adrian is in Tampa right now.

 Wilsondarrell_medium Have we thought about blitzing more?

Everybody laughs

Iconnorm_medium Blitzing is for women and Joe Namath

Chrisdoyle_icon_medium If I might pipe in, we might be playing with a bunch of girls this year. I was just in the weight room yesterday and you know what the players were doing? Bench press! Are you kidding me?! How is that a power lift, so I made those players do 50 power squats and then 100 dead lifts. I have a boner just thinking about it.

 Iconferentz_medium That doesn’t sound too safe just days before practice, but you did not win that coaching award for being Mr. Warm and fuzzy.

 Iconreman_jpg_medium Have we thought about 24-hour screenings of Captain America? Every time they show it I get a 25 cent royalty.

Iconferentz_medium These are all good ideas, but we are not at the heart of the problem. So I will ask and I want honest answers: Wint-o-green or Big Red?

Iconcampbell_medium (To Darrell Wilson) He’s talking about his gum again

 Wilsondarrell_medium We’re out of here.

Iconferentz_medium Guys where do you think you’re going. This is the difference between 6-6 and 10-2.

 Iconokeefe_medium I’ve always been partial to Bubble Yum.

 Iconferentz_medium Shut up Ken

Iconbarta_medium Hey guys, I hope I’m not bothering you but Kirk I need to talk to you.

 Iconferentz_medium Can this wait?

Iconbarta_medium    Iconbarta90_medium

 Iconferentz_medium Okay, we’ll touch on this tomorrow. I’ll see you then.

Everybody leaves


Well, that didn’t tell me anything. What a waste of money.


Takes off mask

 Iconpollard_jpg_medium Now we’ll have to cancel those Rhodes 50-cent pieces

Iconpollard_jpg_medium Sadpollard_medium

 Iconpollard_jpg_medium (Cell phone rings)

 Iconpollard_jpg_medium Dan Beebe? Yes, I am interested in a Cyclone Network, tell me more.




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