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MARCHIFORNICATION, THE FINAL FOURNICATION: RICKY STANZI VS. CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY

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THE SECOND SEED: RICKY STANZI

Stanzi_leman_medium

How He Got Here: Defeated DJK 523-283. Defeated Fran McCaffery 425-236. Woke up with a visitor.

THE FIFTH SEED: CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY

Captainamericaherky_medium

How He Got Here: Defeated Matt Gatens Legacy by Montreal Screwjob. Defeated AIRBHG by impotence meltdown. Might not be the actual Captain America Herky.

Pakiicon_medium Final Four, baby!
Pakiicon_medium Only two more wins and Marchifornication is mine!
Pakiicon_medium It wouldn't be possible without this costume
Pakiicon_medium Well, this costume and my senior advisor, the mysterious Birk Berentz.
Pakiicon_medium Speaking of which, I need my strategy. Time to dial up Birk.
Iconcell_medium beep beep boop beep boop
Iconcell_medium Please hold while your call is being connected
Iconcell_medium HEY SOUL SISTER AHHHH MISTER MISTER ON THE RADIO THE WAY YOU MOVE AIN'T FAIR YA KNOW
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium cough
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Hello?
Pakiicon_medium Birk! It's Paki!
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium ...who?
Pakiicon_medium Paki! Paki O'Meara! You know, Pakibomb goes boom?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Oh, yeah...um, Paki. Right.
Pakiicon_medium Yeah! Hey! It's Final Fournication today! Where have you been?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Oh, um, I've...well, I've just been really busy.
Pakiicon_medium Well, what's our strategy for beating Stanzi?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Strategy? I don't really have a strategy for you, Paki.
Pakiicon_medium What am I supposed to do?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium You can beat Stanzi legitimately. No problem. Just go at him straight-up. You'll be fine. We'll meet up afterwards.
Iconcell_medium click
Pakiicon_medium But...
Pakiicon_medium But...

Mt-rushmore-2_medium

Stanziicon_medium Who was that?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium It was...it was nobody.
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Now, how are you going to win this match?
Stanziicon_medium I can't do it, Mr. Berentz.
Stanziicon_medium I can't beat Captain America.
Stanziicon_medium How can you kill an icon of freedom?
Stanziicon_medium How do you take that shot?
Stanziicon_medium What if you miss?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Ricky, listen to me.
Stanziicon_medium WHAT IF YOU MISS? WHAT IF YOU'RE REALLY A COMMUNIST?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium DAMN IT RICKY, LISTEN TO ME!
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium THAT'S NOT CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY!
Stanziicon_medium That's...what?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium That's not Captain America Herky in that costume.
Stanziicon_medium You mean, Captain America Herky can't be in that costume because he is in all our hearts?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium No, you moron. That's Paki O'Meara in that costume.
Stanziicon_medium Paki O'Meara?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Yes...
Stanziicon_medium Paki O'Meara?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Yes...
Stanziicon_medium But...but...
Stanzired1_medium

Stanziicon_medium Don't worry, Girls Generation. I'll save you.
Pakistanziicon_medium /emerges from shadows with handgun
Pakistanziicon_medium Like hell you will, Stanzi.
Stanziicon_medium What the...?
Pakistanziicon_medium Your tyranny and oppression has gone on long enough, Stanzi.
Pakistanziicon_medium It's time someone else led this team. It's time for someone else to lead this country! It's time for PAKISTANZI!


Stanzired2_medium

Iconclayborn_medium Both of you, throw me the ball
Stanziicon_medium Pakistanziicon_medium WHAT?
Iconclayborn_medium I SAID THROW ME THE DAMN BALL.
Pakistanziicon_medium /throws perfect spiral to Clayborn
Stanziicon_medium /throws perfect spiral to Korean prison guard
Iconclayborn_medium THAT ONE! THE ONE WHO THREW IT TO THE GUARD! HE'S THE REAL STANZI! ACE, GET THE FAKE!
Iconace_medium /cocks assault rifle, aims at PAKISTANZI
Pakistanziicon_medium /puts hands up
Pakistanziicon_medium DAMN IT! BEATEN AGAIN BY THE STANZIBALL!
Stanziicon_medium Now it's time to find out who you are...
Stanziicon_medium /removes mask
Stanziicon_medium Iconclayborn_medium Iconace_medium PAKI O'MEARA!
Pakiicon_medium And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you snoopy kids!


Stanzired3_medium

Pakiicon_medium I want him DEAD!
Pakiicon_medium I want his friends DEAD!
Pakiicon_medium I want REVENGE!
Pakiicon_medium And only you can help me get it!
Pakiicon_medium Join me, Joe Paterno, and help me dis...
Iconpaterno45_medium MISTER PATERNO WILL BE FINE THANK YOU
Iconpaterno45_medium I DO NOT WORK WITH DIRTY IRISH

Stanzired4_medium

Iconjoepa_medium I WILL NOT HAVE MY PLANS DISRUPTED, NOT NOW

Iconjoepa_medium DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING BUSY I AM

Iconclaybomeara_medium Hey, my name's Adrian, and I

Iconjoepa_medium I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU, YOUNG MAN

Gun_medium BANG

Iconclaybomeara_medium gehhhhhhhhhh

Iconjoepa_medium NOW WHERE IS THAT DASTARDLY VILLAINOUS HEINOUS KRAUT RICKY STANZI

Iconjoepa_medium THIS ENDS RIGHT NOW

Stanziicon_medium I've been waiting for my chance at revenge for a whole year.
Stanziicon_medium I'm going to destroy that little bastard, and end this thing once and for all.
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Yes. Go, Ricky. Go defeat Pakibomb.
Stanziicon_medium /sprints out of Mount Rushmore
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium /turns away
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Excellent...
Iconcell_medium AND I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEE ME CUZ I DON'T THINK THEY THEY'D UNDERSTAND
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Yes?
Iconcell_medium grumble grumble grumble
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Yes, he knows. He's ready.
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium They'll both be totally distracted.
Iconcell_medium grumble grumble grumble
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Everything is going exactly as we planned.
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Marchifornication will soon be ours!