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MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: JAMIE POLLARD VS. PELICAN WHORE

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#3 SEED: JAMIE POLLARD

Pollard_medium

Round 1: Defeated Coach Baby, 377-204

#7 SEED: PELICAN WHORE

Ibis_big_pelican_redeye_medium

Round 1: Defeated Wizgerald, 330-225

Scene: a dilapidated barn in Ames. Cows mill about lazily with ragged, oversized cheerleader uniforms covering them. Somehow there is still eight inches of snow on the ground. A douchebag knocks on a rotting door.

Iconronald_medium knock knock

Iconpollard_medium Yes, male secretary?

Iconronald_medium You've got someone to see you, Mr. Pollard!

Iconpollard_medium Hot diggity! Personal visits can't be pranks! 

Pwhore_icon_medium SQUAWKKKK

Iconpollard_medium Oh, Pelican Whore! I see you've come to discuss our matchup today! Do you speak English?

Pwhore_icon_medium rabim denar

Iconpollard_medium No Pelicanese, please!

Pwhore_icon_medium bom naredil vse

Iconpollard_medium I SAID NO PELICANESE. Please speak the language of our land.

Pwhore_icon_medium You want pelican job?

Iconpollard_medium No, I do not want your job! I want my job! I am a highly successful athletic director for a school in a major Division I conference. You are just a whore!

Pwhore_icon_medium You want pelican job?

Iconpollard_medium I just said... wait, are you soliciting me?

Pwhore_icon_medium (sob)

Iconpollard_medium Are you... crying?

Pwhore_icon_medium rabim denar bom naredil vse (sob)

Iconpollard_medium You... your mascara is running like crazy, Pelican Whore.

Pwhore_icon_medium naj igrajo košarko prosim

Iconpollard_medium Hey, hey... let me wipe this makeup off. You can't let it run in all the tears. Your inconsolability will show.

Pwhore_icon_medium hvala dekliško človek

Iconpollard_medium Wait, without the makeup, you're... oh my god...

Michalik_icon_medium hvala

Iconpollard_medium Coach Baby, get in here!

Hoiberg_medium NO!

Iconpollard_medium DO IT NOW FRED, YOU NEED TO SEE THIS!

Hoiberg_medium FINE.

Michalik_icon_medium otrok župan?

Hoiberg_medium ...birdfriend?

Michalik_icon_medium HOI-BERG!

Hoiberg_medium JULIUS MICHALIK!

(the two share the teary embrace of friends long lost)

Hoiberg_medium I thought you were gone forever!

Michalik_icon_medium I thought you forgot Michalik!

Hoiberg_medium I would never!

Michalik_icon_medium :-)))))))))

Iconpollard_medium This is so heart-warming. I feel so... consolable.

Hoiberg_medium Julius, I always wanted to ask you this. Can I ride you out to Campanile Hill and we can play spies for the rest of the afternoon while it's light out? Can I do that, Dad Boss?

Michalik_icon_medium Please to frolic?

Iconpollard_medium Oh, I don't see why not. There's no harm in that.

Iconbhgp_medium wait

Michalik_icon_mediumHoiberg_medium YAYYYYYYYYYY

Iconbhgp_medium Mr. Pollard, you do realize th--

Iconpollard_medium I did the right thing.

Iconbhgp_medium But this means

Iconpollard_medium I DID THE RIGHT THING.

Michalik_icon_mediumHoiberg_medium (frolic happily as the referee counts to ten)

Iconbhgp_medium You probably did.

PELICAN WHORE/JULIUS MICHALIK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED BY WAY OF COUNT-OUT.