#3 SEED: JAMIE POLLARD
Round 1: Defeated Coach Baby, 377-204
#7 SEED: PELICAN WHORE
Round 1: Defeated Wizgerald, 330-225
Scene: a dilapidated barn in Ames. Cows mill about lazily with ragged, oversized cheerleader uniforms covering them. Somehow there is still eight inches of snow on the ground. A douchebag knocks on a rotting door.
knock knock
Yes, male secretary?
You've got someone to see you, Mr. Pollard!
Hot diggity! Personal visits can't be pranks!
SQUAWKKKK
Oh, Pelican Whore! I see you've come to discuss our matchup today! Do you speak English?
rabim denar
No Pelicanese, please!
bom naredil vse
I SAID NO PELICANESE. Please speak the language of our land.
You want pelican job?
No, I do not want your job! I want my job! I am a highly successful athletic director for a school in a major Division I conference. You are just a whore!
You want pelican job?
I just said... wait, are you soliciting me?
(sob)
Are you... crying?
rabim denar bom naredil vse (sob)
You... your mascara is running like crazy, Pelican Whore.
naj igrajo košarko prosim
Hey, hey... let me wipe this makeup off. You can't let it run in all the tears. Your inconsolability will show.
hvala dekliško človek
Wait, without the makeup, you're... oh my god...
hvala
Coach Baby, get in here!
NO!
DO IT NOW FRED, YOU NEED TO SEE THIS!
FINE.
otrok župan?
...birdfriend?
HOI-BERG!
JULIUS MICHALIK!
(the two share the teary embrace of friends long lost)
I thought you were gone forever!
I thought you forgot Michalik!
I would never!
:-)))))))))
This is so heart-warming. I feel so... consolable.
Julius, I always wanted to ask you this. Can I ride you out to Campanile Hill and we can play spies for the rest of the afternoon while it's light out? Can I do that, Dad Boss?
Please to frolic?
Oh, I don't see why not. There's no harm in that.
wait
YAYYYYYYYYYY
Mr. Pollard, you do realize th--
I did the right thing.
But this means
I DID THE RIGHT THING.
(frolic happily as the referee counts to ten)
You probably did.
PELICAN WHORE/JULIUS MICHALIK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED BY WAY OF COUNT-OUT.