I'll tell you. I was flipping through the channels on my humungous television and something catches my eye: 50,000 people in red and yellow body paint... overalls... crazy wigs and I think to myself, this is America. People supporting the little team that could.
Bowl preparation? Bah humbug! We've been ready for the bowl game for two weeks now. It's out of our hands. Now it's about the execution and using the extra practice to turn running backs into safeties. Jordan Bernstine meet Jordan Canzeri.
Later that night in the Ferentz bedchamber
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Kirk. You need to change your conservative game plan. Go for it occasionally on fourth down, don't save your timeouts in the first half, try a pass or two during the two minute drill. Or, sadly, you'll end up like me: without a job.
Tressel vanishes in thin air
Ferentz doses again but his slumber is again short lived as a white light bathes his room
Ferentz touches Fry's hand and instantly the landscape melts away, what appears in its stead is a practice field in the Northeast.
If you just would have listened to your coach, you might have found out that blitzing does have its place in football. (Looks around). Man, I miss the 70s, look at all those white pants. C'mon, we're headed somewhere else.
The practice field fades away and is replaced with a meeting room. Men of different ages sit at a table while a man stands at a chalkboard in a familiar wardrobe of sweatshirt and khakis.
Kirk, you've got a strong football mind and you've been a great line coach, but don't be afraid to try something new. I'm a risk-averse as anyone, but even I know that sometimes it's OK to be a little aggressive. Players respond to that, they want a coach who'll do anything to win, not one who'll do everything to not lose.
The clock strikes midnight at the Ferentz house and Kirk realizes that it won't be long until he gets his answer as he hears a noise coming from his kitchen
Don't you just love coaching? The camaraderie, the traditions, the little pieces on each play that add up to something bigger. Do you know why coaches like Joe Paterno, Bobby Bowden and that handsome devil Norm Parker keep at it? Because there is a love there. Sometimes coaching becomes more than coaching, sometimes it becomes life. Also, I heard Parker's wife is a master at nagging.
Hell yeah. You should have heard her last week. Norm, take out the garbage. Norm, don't put your elbows on the table. Norm, the neighbors want you to have clothes on when you get the mail. Bitch, bitch, bitch.
Kirk and the spirit of coaching present (who looks a great deal like Norm Parker) once again leave the Ferentz residence and reappear seconds later in a tiny office that is not much bigger than Ferentz' pantry.
Guys, I think it's time to get a little creative, so I'm thinking on the first play of the game. We line up with six receivers. Nobody in the backfield. And then Barnett, you will go in motion, yell hike as you go by and the center will snap you the ball. All the receivers will run go routes and I want you to keep it for a QB draw, if this play doesn't score a touchdown, nothing will.
And Knott, we are going to blitz everyone. Linebackers, corners, safeties, defensive end. I might even send Cy on one of the blitzes, the Rutgers quarterback is not going to know what's about to hit him. Also I'm fooling around with 1-4-5-1 def-
Barnett and Knott leave
Sorry, I can only see the present not the future, but if you had to work for this AD, in these facilities, would you stay? Ah, but that's something for the ghost of coaching future to answer. Remember this helpful rhyme: when you make football fun and players never want to see the season done. See you Monday, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, never again.
It was kind of a long time coming. In the end, every step forward seemed to be accompanied by two steps back. Fans can handle moderate success as long as it is exciting, this was the exact opposite. Slow, plodding and unimaginative, in a word: boring.
I think the last straw, was the fake punt against Minnesota this year. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 23 times, shame on us. I'm glad the mistake is finally going to be corrected. Bring on somebody new.
The duo leaves the Internet and move instead to a crowded stadium in Southern California.
Hello, everyone I'm Brent Musburger. And now the game we've waited all year to see, they've been number one and two in the polls all season. Florida, led by Gus Malzahn and his high octane offense, versus the Hawkeyes from Iowa, led by the home state hero... Paul Rhoads!
Before Ferentz can get an answer, the duo move through time again and return to a bedroom .
Nooooooooooooooooo. Not that; anything but that. I promise I'll change my ways, I promise to become more aggressive, I promise to be more exciting. We'll throw it deep on first down, we'll run screen passes on third and longs, instead of just running it up the gut. We'll practice a two-minute drill. Anything, just don't have me help Bielema. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee---
Kirk sits up in bed with a jolt; he's back at home with the alarm beeping and sun shining through the windows.
Three weeks later
Well, the season is going to come to a sour end for the Hawkeyes. In a weird turn of events, Iowa has thrown the ball 70 times tonight with James Vandenberg setting new Hawkeye records for attempts, completions, touchdowns and interceptions. The Sooners have taken advantage of Iowa's aggressive play, though, turning seven Iowa turnovers into 35 points and Landry Jones will take a take knee with Oklahoma up 63-42.
Meanwhile in New York
The locker room erupts