(Ed. Note: Yes, this is really stupid. No, it has nothing to do with Iowa-Nebraska. Here's some context if you're completely baffled. Sometimes you just have an itch that needs scratching. Regular service will resume shortly. -- RB)
Wait, what is this --
Everywhere I go, man, all the little Hokesters ask me, "Is there any truth to the fact that there was a controversy-filled offseason?"
Well, yes, obviously --
"Hokester, did you really reclaim the ethical high ground? Did you really beat Brutus in the court of public opinion?"
But --
Well this Saturday, man, in The Game, we’re gonna wipe all that controversy out. Brutus, this Saturday, when you’re fresh as a daisy, with the whole world watching, I’m gonna prove, brother, that I can beatcha anywhere, anytime! And all my Hokeamaniacs, they’re gonna feel it tooooo…. Hokeawhat? YEAH! But if you looked in their eyes, man, have you seen the fear in all those little Hokesters? They realize that when I get Brutus buried in the fourth quarter, when I SLAM him through the Big House, brother!---
Big what? This is the Hyatt Regency.
-- from Ann Arbor, down to Tampa, Florida, the fault line is gonna break off! And as Brutus falls into the ocean!---
You're going to beat Ohio State into the Atlantic Ocean? I don't underst --
-- so will DAVE BRANDON and ALL THE HOKEAMANIACS! But as Dave Brandon hangs on to the top of the Big House, with his family under his other arm, and as they SINK, to the BOTTOM OF THE SEA---
Well, now this is just getting weird.
THANK GOD Dave Brandon's a Hokeamaniac! He’ll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, DOG PADDLE with his life all the way to safety!
...
But Dave, if somethin’ happens, you run outta gas, and all those little Hokeamaniacs run outta gas, just hang on to the LARGEST BACK in the world, and I’ll dog paddle us, backstroke all of us to safety!
...
'CAUSE WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN HOKEAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?!
I quit.
via jabbyburns.com
