clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Mission: Floyd, Part Two

New, 64 comments

Norad-control-center_medium

Back at Freedom Squad HQ

 

Silhouetteicon_medium We can't dwell on this catastrophe.

Silhouetteicon_medium We can't let this stop us.

Silhouetteicon_medium We have to push forward.

Silhouetteicon_medium We have to get the pig back.

Silhouetteicon_medium Drill Sergeant, who do we have in reserves?

Icondrill_medium GENERAL

Icondrill_medium WE HAVE TWO TOP PROSPECTS

Icondrill_medium ONE IS READY TO GO.  HE IS A PROVEN LEADER AND CAN STEP IN FOR STANZI TODAY

Icondrill_medium THE OTHER IS A BIT OF A REBEL.  WE'RE GOING TO NEED SOME TIME WITH HIM.

Silhouetteicon_medium WE DON'T HAVE ANY TIME, SERGEANT!  GET THEM IN HERE ASAP!

Bubble_medium
Iowa Indoor Practice Facility

Vandenberg_icon_medium /throws fly route for touchdown

Vandenberg_icon_medium /throws frozen rope 15-yard out

Vandenberg_icon_medium /scrambles for first down

Vandenberg_icon_medium /runs 4 minute mile

Vandenberg_icon_medium /scores 1600 on SAT

Blackberry-icon_medium BEEP BEEP

Blackberry-icon_medium Text1_medium 

Vandenberg_icon_medium Gotta go, Coach.

Iconokeefe_medium But wait, don't you want your massage?

 

Vandenberg_icon_medium /shrugs off shoulder rub

Vandenberg_icon_medium No time.  Gotta get to Freedom Squad headquarters.  

Vandenberg_icon_medium It's time to do my duty.

Meanwhile, at a bar in rural Iowa City

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium It's time to do my doody.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /poops in shoe

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium lulz

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /chugs beer

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /throws bottle across bar

Bartender_icon_medium That's it, Derby!  Get out of here before I call the cops!

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium belch

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium You can't throw me out, because I'm going to be quarterback!
Derby_mugshot_icon_medium Just you watch! I'm gonna do it!

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /staggers out of bar

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /punches bus window

Siren_medium

Iconcop_medium You're under arrest, mister!

The next morning, at the Johnson County Jail

Iconsexycop_medium Derby! You have a visitor.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium blergh where am I?

Icondrill_medium You're at rock bottom, son.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium What do you want, old man?

Icondrill_medium Derby, I'm Sergeant Hulka, and I work for Freedom Squad.

Icondrill_medium We travel the world and defend freedom and liberty from communists and hippies and rodents.

Icondrill_medium And, right now, we want you.

Icondrill_medium We'd talk to the judge and get you out of jail, and then you'd come work with us.

Icondrill_medium We need you to help stop Minnesota and bring back Floyd of Rosedale.  You'd be working with James Vandenberg to

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium Vandenberg? Not. Interested.

Icondrill_medium Well, we'd move you to linebacker.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium Why would I do that? I'm a quarterback, old man, and Vandenberg is my competition.

Icondrill_medium WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME TEAM HERE, AJ!

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium Not me.  I'm on Team Derby.

Icondrill_medium Team Derby looks like a loser to me.

Icondrill_medium Here's my card. Call me if you change your mind.

Icondrill_medium bleep bloop bleep

Silhouetteicon_medium How did it go?

Icondrill_medium He's out.

Silhouetteicon_medium Give him some time.  He'll come around.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /lays down on cot to take a nap, dozes off

Blackicon_medium vroom vroom

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /looks around for motorcycle

Blackicon_medium VROOM VROOM

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /keeps looking

Blackicon_medium VROOOOOOOOOOM

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Ghost_leman_medium

Ghost_leman_icon_medium DERBY

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium What the hell are you?

Ghost_leman_icon_medium I AM THE GHOST OF J LEMAN

Ghost_leman_icon_medium Pretty badass, right?

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium Hell yeah it is.

Ghost_leman_icon_medium Listen to me, Derby.  Drop the A from your first name, move to linebacker, and help Freedom Squad avenge me or I will haunt you for the rest of your days.

Ghost_leman_icon_medium Have you ever heard a motorcycle go by your house in the middle of the night? Now imagine that every minute of every day.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium But I am a quarterback

Ghost_leman_icon_medium Not anymore.  Either you become a destroyer of worlds or I will destroy yours!
Ghost_leman_icon_medium BWAHAHAHAHA!

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium AAAAHHH!

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /sits up on cot

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium /calls Sergeant Hulka

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium Hulka, it's J Derby.

Icondrill_medium Yes, AJ.

Derby_mugshot_icon_medium No, it's just J. And I'm in.