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James Vandenberg Goes Bear Hunting

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Iowa quarterback James Vandenberg and wide receiver Nick Nielsen walk through a Canadian forest on a bear hunt.

Vandenberg_icon_medium This is the best idea we've ever had, Nick!
Nielsen_icon_medium You're right, James.  This is awesome.
Vandenberg_icon_medium Just two guys in Canada hunting bears.
Nielsen_icon_medium Not a care in the world.
Vandenberg_icon_medium Not another person for mi--
Iconokeefe_medium Hey guys!
Vandenberg_icon_medium Hey, um...Coach O'Keefe?
Nielsen_icon_medium What are you doing here?
Iconokeefe_medium Well, I heard about your hunting trip and thought I'd join you!
Vandenberg_icon_medium You thought you would join us...on a bear hunt?
Iconokeefe_medium Yeah, I love bear hunting.
Nielsen_icon_medium I didn't know you'd hunted bears before, Coach.
Iconokeefe_medium Oh, I've dabbled here and there.
Vandenberg_icon_medium Well, I suppose you can join us.

Leaves rustle in the distance

Vandenberg_icon_medium Shhhhh
Vandenberg_icon_mediumNielsen_icon_medium /duck down

Vandenberg_icon_medium /makes signal to Nielsen
Nielsen_icon_medium /sneaks to the left, leaving Vandenberg and O'Keefe in a clearing
Vandenberg_icon_medium There he is!

Bearsighting1_medium

Iconokeefe_medium There he is, James.
Iconokeefe_medium Be patient.
Iconokeefe_medium Take your time.
Iconokeefe_medium Wait for your shot.
Iconokeefe_medium Steady...
Iconokeefe_medium Steady...
Iconokeefe_medium NOW
Vandenberg_icon_medium /pulls trigger

Bearsighting2_medium

Vandenberg_icon_medium What the H?
Vandenberg_icon_medium /pulls trigger

Bearsighting3_medium

Vandenberg_icon_medium /pulls trigger six more times

Bearsighting4_medium

Vandenberg_icon_medium /pulls trigger
Shotgun_icon_medium click
Shotgun_icon_medium click
Shotgun_icon_medium click
Vandenberg_icon_medium WHAT THE H IS GOING ON?
Iconokeefe_medium I replaced your ammo with paintballs!
Vandenberg_icon_medium YOU DID WHAT?
Iconokeefe_medium You must stop relying on your shotgun, James.  It doesn't work at this level of hunting.
Vandenberg_icon_medium I...I...
Vandenberg_icon_medium /reaches into pocket for shot
Vandenberg_icon_medium /pulls out a piece of Virginia ham
Iconokeefe_medium Yeah, I put ham in your pockets, too, so that the bear will come closer.
Vandenberg_icon_medium YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED!
Iconokeefe_medium You must fight the fear, James.
Iconokeefe_medium You must fight it with your bare hands.
Iconokeefe_medium LOL BEAR HANDS GET IT?
Vandenberg_icon_medium Oh my God we're going to die.
Iconokeefe_medium FIGHT IT, JAMES!  FIGHT IT!
Beargrowl_icon_medium GROWL
Iconokeefe_medium FIGHT THE BEAR!
Vandenberg_icon_medium AHHHHHH!
Vandenberg_icon_medium /runs away

Bearchase_1_medium

Iconokeefe_medium YOU MUST FIGHT THE FEAR, JAMES!  YOU MUST FIGHT THE BEAR!
Vandenberg_icon_medium No...no...no...
Vandenberg_icon_medium NOOOOOOO!
Beargrowl_icon_medium Beargrowl_medium

Bearchase_2_medium

Vandenberg_icon_medium AAAAARGH!
Vandenberg_icon_medium AAAAARGH!  MY ARM!
Vandenberg_icon_medium /sits up in bed, panting and drenched in sweat
Vandenberg_icon_medium Oh thank gosh.  It was only a nightmare.
Vandenberg_icon_medium /stands up, looks out bedroom window onto Iowa City
Blackicon_medium Are you OK, James?
Vandenberg_icon_medium Yeah, I'm fine.
Blackicon_medium Are you sure? Maybe you want something to eat.
Vandenberg_icon_medium No, really, I'm...wait, who is this?
Vandenberg_icon_medium /turns on lamp
Iconokeefe_medium I can get you a ham sandwich.
Vandenberg_icon_medium AAAAHHHH!
Vandenberg_icon_medium AAAAHHHH!
Vandenberg_icon_medium AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!