Iowa quarterback James Vandenberg and wide receiver Nick Nielsen walk through a Canadian forest on a bear hunt.
This is the best idea we've ever had, Nick!
You're right, James. This is awesome.
Just two guys in Canada hunting bears.
Not a care in the world.
Not another person for mi--
Hey, um...Coach O'Keefe?
What are you doing here?
Well, I heard about your hunting trip and thought I'd join you!
You thought you would join us...on a bear hunt?
Yeah, I love bear hunting.
I didn't know you'd hunted bears before, Coach.
Oh, I've dabbled here and there.
Well, I suppose you can join us.
Leaves rustle in the distance
/makes signal to Nielsen
/sneaks to the left, leaving Vandenberg and O'Keefe in a clearing
There he is!
There he is, James.
Take your time.
Wait for your shot.
WHAT THE H IS GOING ON?
I replaced your ammo with paintballs!
YOU DID WHAT?
You must stop relying on your shotgun, James. It doesn't work at this level of hunting.
/reaches into pocket for shot
/pulls out a piece of Virginia ham
Yeah, I put ham in your pockets, too, so that the bear will come closer.
YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED!
You must fight the fear, James.
You must fight it with your bare hands.
LOL BEAR HANDS GET IT?
Oh my God we're going to die.
FIGHT IT, JAMES! FIGHT IT!
FIGHT THE BEAR!
YOU MUST FIGHT THE FEAR, JAMES! YOU MUST FIGHT THE BEAR!
AAAAARGH! MY ARM!
/sits up in bed, panting and drenched in sweat
Oh thank gosh. It was only a nightmare.
/stands up, looks out bedroom window onto Iowa City
Are you OK, James?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Are you sure? Maybe you want something to eat.
No, really, I'm...wait, who is this?
/turns on lamp
I can get you a ham sandwich.