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A Complete Synopsis Of Tim Brewster's Appearance At The Big Ten Media Day

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You probably recall that we tried this for his opening statement earlier today, though in full disclosure, we missed the first thirty seconds. Tonight, however, we're lucky enough to have embeddable video for his entire appearance at the press conference, and will provide a corresponding synopsis. In particular, watch the magic that happens after the asterisk below. As before, all extraneous words have been omitted.

(deep breath)

history greatest football history football truly amazing respect admiration football excited great important important improve strength football great bigger stronger faster athletic rightfully need challenging America prepared experienced poised great physical effective physical great physical captain leader great football great commitment improve better captains excellent great commitment football improve rightfully improved better great great really positive thank you Larry Fitzgerald best National Football League Fitzgerald amazing great Larry Fitzgerald amazing Larry Fitzgerald National Football League great great opportunity really best of the best captains great admiration poised great strong outstanding great job captain thank you absolutely vital vital Big Ten traditions rivalries important improve help spotlight accomplish extremely proud embrace proud great great friend great helped aggressive helps championship spotlight really good really marquee great really great advantage best bigger nicer great home field advantage absolutely jacked hard on * great America great competition great competition better competition competition great competition pretty good compete compete very well great competition talented competition great forward competitive thank you very much

Those last two minutes are downright magical, aren't they? Like the orgiastic climax of a great fireworks show.

(Terrorist fist jab for video: Blog Ten Football)