This is Just One Reason Why I Don't Live in Sioux City.
This video clearly has the support of the local media establishment -- I counted three different broadcast news operations represented before blood started spurting from my eyes -- and yet has worse audio syncing than our podcasts. It points out an otherwise nondescript bridge as some sort of civic landmark. It's a parody of a song that is six years older than local golden boy Brennan Cougill. None of these are good things, Sioux City. Go back to the studio, call Phil Collins, and record Siouxsiouxdio.
They're Playing Ha-Ha's in Cleveland on the Sixth. Be Sure to Tip Your Waitresses. In the past couple of weeks, both Kirk Ferentz and Fran McCaffery have referenced the comedic stylings of wrestling coach Tom Brands and defensive coordinator Norm Parker, who are opening for McCaffery on the summer I-Club circuit and apparently killing it.
Thanks to Dochterman, we now have visual confirmation. I'll only post the first one; you'll need to click through to see the rest, and it's totally worth the effort.
Later, Tom Brands opens his set with a reference to horse breeding, threatens to beat up an audience member, orders the crowd get out their checkbooks, and closes with the raunchiest version of The Aristocrats joke we've ever heard. It's a beautiful thing, though you have to feel for McCaffery; he opens his career on tour with the two best quote generators in Iowa athletics, then steps into the crossfire of the Big Ten -- likely the nation's best basketball conference next year -- with little more than a butter knife and a poorly-made slingshot.
Over the Horizon. ESPN pored over 25 years of data, determining which 16 NCAA football programs have had the most success in the National Football League so that they can conduct some sort of asinine bracket thing to kill column inches over the long offseason. The criteria is arbitrary, awarding points for Pro Bowl appearances, All-Pro selections, and MVP/POY awards. Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State made the cut; Iowa did not, though the Hawkeyes finished tied for #23 with Michigan State, ahead of both Texas (#28) and Oklahoma (#29). Purdue comes in at #26. Surprisingly, Wisconsin does not earn honorable mention.
Blurbs: Ben Brust unsurprisingly commits to Wisconsin, where he can torment Iowa for the next four or five years. Amari Spievey will be wearing swooshes for the next three years, per his agent. Iowa assistant wrestling coach Doug Schwab has reportedly been offered the vacant Northern Iowa head coaching position. Friend of the Pants Rodger Sherman, editor of Sippin' on Purple, gets offered 700 words in the Daily Just Northwestern and uses his limited space to discuss NBA Street on the Playstation 2. Name of the Year helps us find derelicts. And YA GUEY!