HERE CAT CAT CAT
WHERE IS THAT GOD-FORSAKEN CAT
SECRETARY
Ugh. For the last time, all that happened was some drunk hobo offered you a raccoon in exchange for your pants and everything in them. You basically got robbed of your wallet and like 10 rubber bands, because what the fuck is it with old people and rubber bands. The raccoon ran away as soon as you touched it. That's all that happened.
WHAT
What do you mean?
IT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE INSUBORDINATION IN HERE
AND I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THE LECTURES OF SUBORDINATES
So... does that mean you will listen to me if I'm being insubordinate?
NO
I WANT THAT CAT BACK
Trololololololololoooooooo
OH I SEE
YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, IT MUST BE OVER THERE
SECRETARY, BOOK US TWO FLIGHTS FOR DARKEST SIBERIA
Wait, what?
WE MUST FIND THIS CAT AT ONCE
But all he did was say things like hohahohoahohahehoha
I CAN SPEAK HIS LANGUAGE
Is that so?
THAT IS CLEARLY HEBREW
Um.
AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT THIS WORLD, IT IS THE TONGUE OF THE RUSSIAN JEW
UNTRUSTWORTHY AS HE MAY BE
So do people vote in this one?
NO
Three weeks later...
WELCOME BACK, MYSELF
Did you find your raccoon-cat? Also, what the hell took you three weeks? That's ridiculous.
WE SEARCHED FAR AND WIDE, EVEN TO THE NOVOSIBIRSK OF AMERICA
FAIRBANKS, ALASKA
And?
NanananaNANANANAnanananaaaa
Trolololololololoooooo
JOEPAJOEPAJOEPAJOEPAJOEPA
Yeyeyeyayayeyeyeyaya
RAAARAAARRRRAARRRRRRGH
What the fuck is that?!
THE CAT
No, the gigantic intergalactic polar bear!
KITTY
WE SAW THIS LITTLE PUSSER CAT FIREBOMB COLUMBUS FROM A FIGHTER'S JET
But it's a freaking polar bear! They're not meant to live this far south or anything! Doesn't it have dietary concerns or something?
WE FED HIM GARY BARTA
burp
Meanwhile, in Pakistan...
Arf!
What's that, boy?
Woof! (points at satellite computer screen)
That has to be him! What are the coordinates
ARF ARF LATITUDE WOOF WOOF LONGITUDE
That's in...State College, PA? What's he doing there?? I figured he had to be in Pakistan.
Grrrrr...
I know, little buddy. Way off. It's going to get hairy, real quick. Time to get ready for war.
WARF