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Ro-Tel Is Full of Art-Suppressing Communist Fascists

Imagine our delight this morning, when this missive sprange forth from the Ro-Tel Twitter account, which apparently exists and is a real thing:


Now, we're always up for a challenge, as long as it isn't "take it easy on the porn and the doobies for 24 whole hours" or something wildly unreasonable. So we wanted to see if our surefire grand-prize-winning idea would be any help in this contest. Here's the actual conversation that ensued (you have to read from the bottom, because it's Twitter and what can you do):


You. Bastards. THE "QUESO DIP" IS A WINNER. But we're not going to go through that kind of trouble if it doesn't guarantee victory; the last thing we want is to go through that trouble and then lose to some frat-tastic asshole with bangs named "Kody" who's just eating one serving of queso while he watches Georgetown on ESPN or something.

So here's the deal. The winner of this contest gets a lot of queso, right? I hope you can already see where this is going. So if we win, I'm taking that Queso For 100, putting it in my bathtub, and taking myself a jimmer-jammin' QUESO DIP. With pictures (I'll spare you the balls and all that). Believe that.

Q: Are you serious?

A: As a fucking heart attack. Which the queso will give me.

Q: Wait, you're actually going to eat some while you're bathing in it?


Q: I have to go throw up. This isn't a question, I'm now physically ill.

A: Marchifornication cannot be stopped.