Fran-demonium: the PC's secret Fran-pun file

[Well, we can't not bump this. Be sure to click through for the rest.--AJ]

Leaked from the Press-Citizen*

To: All Sports Section staff
From: the Sports Editor
Re: Fran Puns

Our initial headline pun announcing Fran McCaffery’s hiring ("Frantastic", Mar 30, 2010) was good, but we’ve got at least three more years of articles about this guy, so we had better start thinking of as many puns that involve the word "Fran" as possible.  Good puns are the mark of a good paper, as we all know, so I need your best work on this.  We don’t want a return to the generally disgusting level of wordplay that marked the Lickliter era.  Every staff reporter is on Fran-pun duty until further notice.  For now, here is a list of approved Fran-puns along with possible subheads:

Hawkeye Fran-dom: Attendance up at early season games

Fran-atics: Hawkeye fans initially enthusiastic about McCaffery era

Fran-club: Hope marks beginning of new season

Jolly Fran-cher: Happy-go-lucky McCaffery looks forward to start of regular season

Raisin’ Fran: McCaffery’s mother talks about her boy

Cat-of-my-Fran: McCaffery’s pet has a ball [Too nautical?  Also, check whether he owns a cat]

Fran-kenstein’s Monster: McCaffery hopes defense frightens opponents [for Halloween issue]

Fran-cy Dress Ball: McCaffery adds zip to Iowa O [also for Halloween, but too British?]

Fran-tabulous:  Hawks cruise by Coppin St.

Fran-tasia: Hawks dance past Texas Pan American

Fran-tic: Hawks look lost against Monmouth

It’s Fraaaandy! Hawks bounce back against Colgate

Francid: Hawks go cold vs. AK-Little Rock

Caught in a Fran-belt: Hawks’ D ensnares Bethune Cookman

Trip-to-Fran: Hawks sleepy in big Turkey-day match-up [For Thanksgiving]

Disen-Fran-chised: Hawks lose to Central Connecticut

Fran-ternity Initiation: Hawks get ready for Big Ten start

Into the Fran-cor Pit: Hawks hope to be "force" in Big Ten [too nerdy?]

In-Fran-ticide: McCaffery letting freshmen play

The Fran-Co. Rushin’ War: McCaffery’s crew playing too fast

Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb I-Fran: Michigan St. sets 3-point record against Hawks

Grim Fran-dango: McCaffery calls on fans to have "realistic" expectations

Without Fran-cor: McCaffery denies beef with players

Fran-dom Number Generator: McCaffery’s mysterious substitution patterns

Also-Fran: Hawks out of Big Ten race

Fran-fiction: Hawk coach denies rumors of ouster

Fran-kly My Dear I Don’t Give a Fran: Hawk fans demand results

Paranoid Schizo-Fran-ic: McCaffery cites "dark forces" out to get him


*Not actually leaked from the Press-Citizen.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.