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WE'RE TALKIN' BASKETBALL: In Which The Best-Case Scenario Is Agony

It's been a long time since Iowa won in Wisconsin. Oh, it's been close many times. In fact, there's usually a pretty set script in place for Iowa, and they never exceed this performance. It is the best case scenario.

First half: Iowa is ice cold from the field on account of "debatable" officiating. Wisconsin is also cold, however, and despite foul trouble for Iowa's best player and a total inability to get an "uncontested" shot (see: get a fucking call for once), Iowa hangs tough.

Halftime: The announcer says something like "And despite being 7 for 24 from the field, Iowa still in this thing, 23-20, Wisconsin leads, we'll be back after this." You think that if Iowa's shooting performance normalizes, they have a chance, and start to get just a little bit anxious. This is a bad idea.

Second half: Wisconsin maintains its lead between 3 and 6 points; on the rare occasion Iowa gets within one or two points, the Badgers score immediately. Their large white post players switch to brass knuckles and toothbrush shivs; they also remain safely out of foul trouble. Alando Tucker's mom shows up on camera, even though he's not even there anymore.

Endgame: As Iowa continues struggling at all facets of offense, the game's within 6 points with under three minutes to play. Then Wisconsin hits everything in sight, Iowa's best efforts are in vain, and the final score's like 65-56 Badgers. And you have just wasted two hours of your time in a state of tense nervousness, knowing full well Iowa cannot possibly win this game.

And that's the best case scenario: the torture of the close Wisconsin road game. The worst case, of course, is Iowa gets the living Christ beaten out of them. That's more likely.

Game thread's right here, you all know how to play nice by now, don't do anything that'll get us sued, and let's just get through this thing together. Err, I mean, GO IOWA?