
















OMG OMG OMG OMG
/faints
/vomits
/makes heart shape with hands and shoots sparks
/spills drink on vintage iMac
/hair turns even blonder
OMG OMG OMG OMG are you the Ricky Stanzi?
NO I AM BETTER THAN RICKY STAN...I mean, no, I'm not Ricky Stanzi. I'm Paki O'Meara!
We want to meet the Ricky Stanzi!
RICKY! RICKY! RICKY!
Ladies, ladies, ladies, please. If you follow me, I will take you to Ricky Stanzi. He's waiting to meet you in that room over there...
RICKY! RICKY! RICKY!
/enter basement
/locks Girls Generation in basement
DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD TAKE YOU TO RICKY STANZI?!? AS IF RICKY STANZI DESERVES YOU!
IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY PLAY AGAINST NORTHERN IOWA, WE WOULD HAVE LOST! THE SEASON WOULD HAVE BEEN A DISASTER IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME!
BUT EVERY WEEK IT'S RICKY STANZI THIS AND RICKY STANZI THAT AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT PICK SIX RICKY, IT'S ONLY ANOTHER STANZIBALL! WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT PAKI? WHY DON'T I GET TO PLAY? WHY DON'T I GET TO BE IN MARCHIFORNICATION?
FORGET RUNNING BACK! I SHOULD BE QUARTERBACKING THIS TEAM! ALL THE ACCOLADES SHOULD BE MINE! I SHOULD BE GETTING USA BACK TATTOOS AND MAKING PATRIOTIC STATEMENTS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT FOX NEWS!
WELL, I KNOW RICKY STANZI. RICKY STANZI WON'T AVOID THIS CONFRONTATION. RICKY STANZI WILL TRY TO RESCUE YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT RICKY STANZI DOES. AND WHEN HE DOES, HE WILL FALL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP!
I WILL CAPTURE HIM, AND THEN I WILL TAKE ON HIS PERSONA AND TAKE HIS JOB!
JUST ONE MORE THING TO DO BEFORE HE GETS HERE. I NEED TO PUT ON MY DISGUISE.
/puts on mask
MY TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE! I AM NO LONGER PAKI O'MEARA, WALK-ON HALFBACK AND SPECIAL TEAMS SUPERSTAR! FROM NOW ON, I AM...