In a locker room in South Korea...
We need to continue practicing before we meet Ricky Stanzi in the Marchifornication tournament. We should want to impress him.
Let's take it from the top again. Five, six, seven, eight!
SHOW ME YOUR NEW MAKEUP IN A BRAND NEW SOUND
SAY THE WORDS ALOUD THAT MAKE YOU RUN AROUND
DANCE DANCE DANCE TIL WE RUN THIS TOWN
OOMPAH OOMPAH OWIE OWIE DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN Wait, stop. Stop. Who is the creepy guy staring in the window? Why does this rocker loom have a window anyway? Shouldn't there be no outside windows? And what happen to our pompoms in that scene at the end where there is a football game? All good questions. Our video is rife with continuity errors that only someone who has watched it at least 100 times would notice. But let's figure this thing out first. Excuse me, who are you?
Hello, Korean pop supergroup Girls Generation! I'm Paki O'Meara!
/confused /befuddled I'm sure you know me. I am a senior running back on your favorite tackle football team. Last year, I started the season opener, when we nearly lost to the University of Northern Iowa! Thank goodness for those blocked field goals, or our faces sure would have been red! /doesn't know Paki O'Meara /trying to figure out why his hair looks like a mushroom cloud /holds up Iowa helmet
OMG OMG OMG OMG /faints /vomits /makes heart shape with hands and shoots sparks /spills drink on vintage iMac /hair turns even blonder OMG OMG OMG OMG are you the Ricky Stanzi? NO I AM BETTER THAN RICKY STAN...I mean, no, I'm not Ricky Stanzi. I'm Paki O'Meara! We want to meet the Ricky Stanzi! RICKY! RICKY! RICKY! Ladies, ladies, ladies, please. If you follow me, I will take you to Ricky Stanzi. He's waiting to meet you in that room over there... RICKY! RICKY! RICKY! /enter basement /locks Girls Generation in basement DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD TAKE YOU TO RICKY STANZI?!? AS IF RICKY STANZI DESERVES YOU! IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY PLAY AGAINST NORTHERN IOWA, WE WOULD HAVE LOST! THE SEASON WOULD HAVE BEEN A DISASTER IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME! BUT EVERY WEEK IT'S RICKY STANZI THIS AND RICKY STANZI THAT AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT PICK SIX RICKY, IT'S ONLY ANOTHER STANZIBALL! WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT PAKI? WHY DON'T I GET TO PLAY? WHY DON'T I GET TO BE IN MARCHIFORNICATION? FORGET RUNNING BACK! I SHOULD BE QUARTERBACKING THIS TEAM! ALL THE ACCOLADES SHOULD BE MINE! I SHOULD BE GETTING USA BACK TATTOOS AND MAKING PATRIOTIC STATEMENTS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT FOX NEWS! WELL, I KNOW RICKY STANZI. RICKY STANZI WON'T AVOID THIS CONFRONTATION. RICKY STANZI WILL TRY TO RESCUE YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT RICKY STANZI DOES. AND WHEN HE DOES, HE WILL FALL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP! I WILL CAPTURE HIM, AND THEN I WILL TAKE ON HIS PERSONA AND TAKE HIS JOB! JUST ONE MORE THING TO DO BEFORE HE GETS HERE. I NEED TO PUT ON MY DISGUISE. /puts on mask MY TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE! I AM NO LONGER PAKI O'MEARA, WALK-ON HALFBACK AND SPECIAL TEAMS SUPERSTAR! FROM NOW ON, I AM...
