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63-40: That Was Not Terribly Fun For Anybody Involved

So, Iowa at Purdue. Whenever a game's line is 19.5 points (and, had we known about this, we would have instructed you to bet at least one eyeball on Purdue), there's a very good chance that it's going to become a laugher. That's exactly what happened. The final score was 63-40, and the man of the match was Jarryd Cole, who played 14 minutes before fouling out in a Brommerian blaze of glory. Or whatever the opposite of glory is. Anyway, Cole had 10 points in those 14 minutes, and when the rest of the team scores 30 in 186 unwatchable minutes of play, 10 points by one guy looks awfully good.

There isn't much point in trying to suss out what went right or wrong--short version, everything for Purdue right, everything for Iowa wrong--but we'll just point to two instances in the game, one from each half.

First half: Iowa had given up seven straight points, but hit a three-pointer and forced two turnovers; the score is 23-15 after an Eric May rebound. Purdue has now failed to score on four straight possessions. On offense, the ball has been moved around effectively on this possession, and a pass finds itself in the hands of Devan Bawinkel, who is open for a quick shot. Bawinkel demurs, passing to Eric May at the top of the key instead. Pressured, May dribbles inside the arc and hoists a harmless, ineffectual 20-footer. Clank. Purdue grabs the rebound, and before Iowa can so much as attempt another shot, it's 30-15, Purdue. Iowa would not score a point for the rest of the half.

Second half: Iowa has somewhat climbed back into the game; the 19-point halftime lead has been cut to 11 (39-28), and Iowa has the ball. Brennan Cougill, who has just converted his trademark Pick and Popsicle, attempts another such three-pointer to cut the lead to eight. It rims out, and Chris Kramer hits a three moments later. Iowa would not score again for more than six minutes of gameplay as Purdue runs off 10 straight. At this point, the game is effectively over, as Iowa would not get within 17 points for the rest of the game.

The game was so disheartening that I didn't even have the desire to drink the frustration away; I instead curled up for a nap. It lasted a while, and in it I hada wonderful dream about BHGP. I'd like to share that with all of you, because it sure as shit beats talking about this basketball game.

In our dream that takes place at an indeterminate time, we are watching ESPN or something. In the discussions of an indeterminate NFL game for which BHGP had an open thread, John Madden is offering his thoughts on the game and somebody asks him about the internet. Madden is casually dismissive of said Internet, but says that he's fond of one website, OUR WEBSITE, because we "sent him some pens."*

They then flashed our URL on the screen as such:

That, of course, is not at all our website. BUT, as it turns out, that was a Hawkeye-themed message board that was run by, get this, an ex-girlfriend of Hawkeye State's. Naturally. It's where we had gotten the idea for our name, according to my poor, sleep-addled brain, and now we needed to get her to link to BHGP so we could get some of that wonderful ESPN traffic.

Then I woke up, angry at Hawkeye State for breaking so many hearts over the years. That mythical message board lady loved you, you know.

And also, the moral of the story is clearly this: WE NEED TO START SENDING PENS TO JOHN MADDEN. Get on it, people! There's no clearer path to his heart than with a well-placed ballpoint. Wait, that sounds wrong and violent. Don't stab him. You know what I mean.

*In retrospect, this comment is probably what made me think of pens. Fortunately, I connected none of the innuendo to Madden in my dream, and that's for the best.