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WE'RE TALKIN' BASKETBALL: WE HAVE ALWAYS HATED LOUISIANA-MONROE

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FUCK THIS GUY
FUCK THIS GUY

So Iowa had a tough opener. We should have seen it coming. Iowa tried to run and gun, but against South Dakota State? They're the Jackrabbits! All Jackrabbits do is run and jack it. They're like a high school cross-country team.

Ah, but Louisiana-Monroe? The team from a town that's probably named after the fifth President of the United States? I know we have a ban on talking politics here, but James Monroe has been dead for like 400 years now, and you know what? THAT AIN'T ENOUGH.

JAMES MONROE WAS A FASCIST AND SO IS EVERYONE IN MONROE, LOUISIANA.

ONE TIME SOMEONE ASKED JAMES MONROE HOW TO BEST PROTECT U.S. INTERESTS ABROAD IN DANGEROUS POLITICAL CLIMATES AND INSTEAD OF GIVING A THOUGHTFUL ANSWER JAMES MONROE SHOT THAT PERSON SQUARE IN THE FACE WITH A BLUNDERBUSS AND CALLED IT THE "ACTUAL MONROE DOCTRINE."

JAMES MONROE HAD SIX FINGERS ON BOTH HANDS AND EACH OF THOSE FINGERS WERE ACTUALLY TALONS.

MONROE, LOUISIANA IS WHERE EVERY PLANE CRASH IN THE WORLD HAPPENS. THE MEDIA DOESN'T REPORT THIS BECAUSE PEOPLE WOULD PRETTY MUCH FLIP THE FUCK OUT, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT MONROE WANTS.

JAMES MONROE ATE JAMES MADISON UPON INAUGURATION.

THE LOUISIANA-MONROE BASKETBALL TEAM'S NICKNAME IS THE "WARHAWKS," WHICH IS ACTUALLY KIND OF BADASS UNTIL YOU REALIZE THE NICKNAME REFERS TO BIRDS THAT DECLARE WAR ON YOUR COLON AND TRY TO FLY INTO IT TALON FIRST, USUALLY WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING. AGAIN, KIND OF BADASS BUT THE SLEEPING PART MAKES IT A TOTAL BULLSHIT MOVE.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO MONROE, LOUISIANA? OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T BECAUSE IT'S A GIANT PIT OF SNAKES WITH SYPHILIS THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LEAVE, AND IT DOESN'T HAVE THE INTERNET EITHER.

JAMES MONROE NEEDS TO SHUT THE HELL UP.

GO IOWA AWESOME TONIGHT. GAME TIME IS 7:35.

THE GAME IS ON MEDIACOM LOCAL TONIGHT AND BIGTENNETWORK.COM ($$$), SO IF YOU CAN'T WATCH IT WITHOUT PAYING, THAT'S REALLY NOT BHGP'S FUCKING PROBLEM SHITDICK, SO DON'T PUT ANY LINKS TO UNAUTHORIZED STREAMS IN THIS COMMENT THREAD OR WE WILL ACTUALLY MURDER YOU.

IF YOU ARE SUCH AN UNCULTURED SWINE THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE "GAY" OR SOME SUCH SIMILAR SLUR THEN YOU SIR (OR MA'AM BUT 99% SURE IT'S A SIR ON THIS ONE) ARE WORSE THAN JAMES MONROE AND NOT WELCOME HERE. DON'T LIKE IT? TOUGH SHIT YOU IGNORANT FUCKFACE, GO HANG OUT AT THE OTHER HALFWIT MESSAGE BOARDS INSTEAD, THERE'S LOTS OF THEM.

OTHER THAN THAT LET'S ENJOY SOME BASKETBALL AND SHOW JAMES MONROE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT HE'S THE WORST GODDAMN PERSON EVER.