Incidentally, "Do The Right Thing" is Norm Parker's one core philosophy: Here's the problem with living in Iowa--nay, a college town in the semi-middle of Iowa--it's really, really easy to get starstruck. In Iowa City, the closest one'll get to a celebrity is probably Kirk Ferentz; for Kirk's football players, it's, well... nobody.
Sooo, when we've got a spate of celebrity involvement as the Hawkeyes had recently, it's a pretty big deal. Exhibit A: Spike Lee, yes the Spike Lee, creator of hit joint Space Jam* and other classic joints. Here's Spike, courtesy Iowa's Matt Engelbert, enjoying the company of one Adrian Clayborn:
Couple things: first, yes, farmer's tans, Iowa, LOL and such. But these are football players. They're going to look like that nationwide unless they're extraordinarily vain. You want vain football players? Go right ahead.
Second of all, it's apparent even from the side view of other players that everyone's having a good time; that said, Christian Ballard just kills us. That's a guy having a good time. We haven't often made someone laugh that unabashedly; when I do, it's a point of pride. Even though Spike Lee makes serious movies, we imagine he does that on a regular basis.
More high-profile encounters? Um, okay: HS already mentioned the impromptu Jamie Foxx get-together some players had--personally, I couldn't respect a man who would be given a lead character named Steamin' Willie Beamon in a football movie and not demanded he play in Cleveland--but how about someone more substantial to the game of football? Like, ohIdunno, Bill "The Thrill"** Parcells?
Parcells visited the Hawkeyes on Tuesday at their practice facility at Barry University in Miami Shores.
"I'm talking mostly to the defensive guys here — when you're getting ready to play the game and face a team that has a unique style of offense…I've seen many of those games where a team like yourselves came up on an opponent like you're getting ready to play. Then I have to read all the quotes after the game by the losing team that says, ‘Well, you know, we just weren't familiar with that style of offense and it took us a little while to get adjusted. By the time we got adjusted, we were playing catch-up.'
"Your job is to get adjusted out here, because if you don't, and your scout team guys don't present a good picture, these guys will hang up 20 on you before the national anthem's over."
This is our primary concern; while we have no doubt that Norm "The Dorm"*** Parker has learned more of the intricacies of the Georgia Tech option attack than Yellow Jacket fans will care to acknowledge, the real challenge is imparting that knowledge onto his team by simply using scout team players. Scout team players who, we might add, are generally more than a little less well-versed in the veer option than Paul Johnson's charges are. Parcells is right: if Iowa doesn't get after it from the opening gun, it could be over in a hurry. That would not be good. That would be bad.
And the best company to keep of all--BHGP: Marc Morehouse, God bless 'im, went ahead and asked Tyler Motherfucking Sash about the Tyler Motherfucking Sash picture. We knew Sash knew about it when DJK made it his profile picture, but we'd never heard from Sash himself about the picture until now. His thoughts?
“Somebody sent it to me via e-mail,” said the all-Big Ten safety from Oskaloosa. “I didn’t know what it meant, exactly. You can take it two different ways. I didn’t know if I was the next ‘Power Ranger’ or something else.”
If Sash doesn't catch the retro aspect of the picture--which, we'll remind you, is glorious--you can't totally hold it against him; he is just a redshirt sophomore who was born in the middle of 1988. That means the memorypart of his brain didn't even turn on until 1993 or so, and he wasn't picking up on stylistics until even Saved By The Bell was passe. Yeah, I know; depressing.
It is kinda weird though. Without stepping into reader (and image creator--we have never and will never take credit for making the picture; it merely showed up here first) HawkeyeRecon's shoes, we think it's pretty safe to say the image was made about him but not for him. That's a pretty big distinction when it comes to the motivation behind creating an expression like that, but it's a distinction that gets totally steamrolled when it comes to the Internet and file sharing. Like, yeah, Sash doesn't get it, but... he might not get BHGP either. Kinda weird, right? No? Fine, go smoke a bowl and then come back to this. You'll see. It'll blow your mind.
Hubris, thy name is the Iowa ticket department: Hey, great news for everyone who was just dying to watch the Iowa basketball team today:
Iowa is establishing two cash-only lines for game-day ticket purchases for Saturday’s Iowa-Minnesota basketball game. The cash-only lines will be available at the west and south entrances [...] Tickets for the 3 p.m. game are $25 apiece.
Emphasis ours, as usual. Look, there's probably something that prompted this move and that's cool. But on the list of reasons why Iowa fans aren't attending games, we're pretty sure "easy, card-free access to face-value tickets in the 40th row" isn't in the top 20 reasons. Or 200. The $25 price tag, though... that's way up there.
QUICK HITZESESES:
Offered without further comment:
Ter'ran Benton summed it up after scooping up a fumble to preserve Iowa State’s 14-13 win against Minnesota in Thursday’s Insight Bowl at Sun Devil Stadium.
"Last year when we started losing, coach Chiz knew that this wasn’t the program he wanted to be at," Benton said while celebrating on the field with his happy teammates.
"With coach Rhoads – when we lost some games, he was always right there pumping us up."
Despite what the last 10 years have taught us, trouble NOT EQUALS automatic transfer: Anthony Tucker, god bless the little bastard, is staying enrolled at Iowa and planning on returning to the team. At this point it becomes admirable, right?
Sir, something has gone horribly wrong with your life and you are not actively fixing it: Via El Hlog and his sublime sense of moment:
In fairness, they've been electing Larry Bird for like 30 years now: Tracy McGrady has played 46 minutes in the NBA this season, and is the probable All-Star starter in the West. Fan voices! Important! Not at all retarded ever!
*upon further review, Space Jam was not a Spike Lee joint. We have since fired our intern, whose listed name was Heywood Jafellateahorse. He will not be missed.
**Again, this nickname is a major breakdown in good reporting, as it has never been and will never be used by either the subject or those familiar with him. We blame our interns yet again, and we will never make such a mistake with bad nicknames again. Ever.
***SHIT.