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Daily Iowan Fails Harder Than Anybody Has Ever Failed Before

Our headline may be somewhat of an exaggeration, but not by much. The FAIL is jaw-dropping on this one; see if you can find where someone at the Daily Iowan (and their editor!) may have been paying less-than-perfect attention to the article and sports on the whole:

O’Meara played in 10 games for the Hawkeyes last season, which included an impressive performance against Florida International on Sept. 5. The former Cedar Rapids Washington prep rushed for 241 yards and gained 512 yards total offense in the 42-0 shutout of the Golden Panthers at Kinnick Stadium.

Hang on... we remember the FIU game, and no, Paki O'Meara did not account for 512 total yards all by himself. Not at all. That would definitely be a college football record, and everybody at Kinnick would have shit their pants until all of their internal organs were splayed across the bleacher benches if Paki Fucking O'Meara had actually done that against any opponent other than a team made of housecats.

IF YOU'RE WONDERING, PART 1: O'Meara's actual numbers were 3 rushes for 20 yards and one touchdown. That's less than 4% of the DI's claim.

IF YOU'RE WONDERING, PART 2: Here's how O'Meara's bio reads on

" run for run for first career touchdown . . . saw action in 42-0 win over Florida International as offense rushed for 241 yards and gained 512 yards total offense . . . rushed three times for 20 yards vs. FIU, including a 17-yard scoring run in the first quarter . . . saw action in 17-5 win...."

Clipped for relevance, of course, but you can see where the poor reporter (Amie Kiehn, if you were curious) made her mistake. But come on. That is F-minus fail. She, her editor, and the editor's boss should be sacked. No, that's not true. They should resign out of pure shame. 512 yards of offense all by himself?! Really?

We eagerly await the DI's correction tomorrow. Not because we want justice served or the truth to reign supreme or anything mind you; we just really enjoy newspapers' corrections of preposterous mistakes. This, readers, would qualify.